We have collected all of our documents for the dossier! Woohoo!! Now all that's left to do is wait. The question of "when" is coming more and more often. People don't understand that we don't have a "due date" like in a typical pregnancy, we don't know how old he will be or currently is or if he's even born yet. We are stuck in a kind of limbo. I think I would metaphorically call this our 1st trimester. We are waiting to here if everything is okay (with our homestudy from the national center in Missouri and our dossier), we don't know a lot of details (although we do already know it is a boy) so if I'm cranky and tired all the time then it's okay, right? :) At least I'm not throwing up! Once we get our referral (approx 6-8 months from now if all goes well) we'll enter our 2nd trimester when we really begin to prepare the house and we know more details such as how old, his name, etc. We'll begin trying to pick out a name too- I am so excited about that part!! Our 3rd trimester will be when we are traveling to meet him (really uncomfortable plane rides, nerves on edge, exhausted physically and emotionally) and then have to leave him (repeat previous details) and then have to wait for that final appointment to go and get him (labor and delivery). I think it all fits pretty well!
The moral of this metaphor is: if during this process I have mood swings, cry for no reason, or eat strange foods you'll know why! :) Love you all!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Good News & Bad News
Good news: We are working on gathering our last 2 documents for our dossier!! It hasn't been as bad as we htoght it woudl be but it is still a huge sigh of relief to have it all done. Bad news: We aren't on the list yet. I thought once we had all the paperwork done we would get our DTE within a week or two. Unfortunately, in this country ALL of the homestudies have to be sent to ONE office in Missouri for approval. Once we have that approval, we can go on the list. Read for the kicker- that approval takes 60-90 days. I know it's all God's plan but it's hard not to get frustrated when that now means that it is impossible to bring home Little E this summer (which would be way easier because I would have more time with him before putting him in daycare, which he may not be developmentally ready for because of attachment issues). We have to remember that it is all a part of His plan, praying for patience :)
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Operation Paperwork Pregnancy is Appropriately Titled
Happy Holiday season everyone! I'm sorry it's been awhile since I posted, once we got back from Africa it took me a while to readjust back to the "normal" schedule. We have finished our home study visits and seen the first draft of the 14 page write-up about Justin and I. After a content and grammar review by myself, it was sent to our family coordinator for approval at AWAA. It did not pass. It is missing some vital information so we are now playing the back and forth game of answering questions through emails. We are also working on gathering all of the paperwork for our dossier (new birth certificates, employment verification letters, financial statements, proof of life insurance, proof of medical insurance, background checks, power of attorney, etc). Justin has been great at gathering everything and keeping us organized! We have started looking for grants but we are falling into that middle class problem- we make too much to qualify for help but not enough to make it on our own without a grant or a loan. Grr.
Our trip to Togo was absolutely amazing. Sharing the word of God, seeing the country, meeting the people, learning about the culture, and making new friendships was life changing and unforgettable. This trip was the first thing that has been able to take my mind off of becoming a mom in 4 1/2 years. I think the hardest adjustment since we got back has been knowing I won't be able to return to Togo for awhile because we will be parents and we can't both go. I know we could make it work if we really wanted to but with attachment disorders and finally getting him home, I don't think that we will both be ready to leave him with others.
Please continue to pray for our son and his mother's health, peace and calming for Justin and I as we work through all the paperwork and hoops, and guidance on how to handle the financial side of this process. Thank you all so much for all of your love and support!
Our trip to Togo was absolutely amazing. Sharing the word of God, seeing the country, meeting the people, learning about the culture, and making new friendships was life changing and unforgettable. This trip was the first thing that has been able to take my mind off of becoming a mom in 4 1/2 years. I think the hardest adjustment since we got back has been knowing I won't be able to return to Togo for awhile because we will be parents and we can't both go. I know we could make it work if we really wanted to but with attachment disorders and finally getting him home, I don't think that we will both be ready to leave him with others.
Please continue to pray for our son and his mother's health, peace and calming for Justin and I as we work through all the paperwork and hoops, and guidance on how to handle the financial side of this process. Thank you all so much for all of your love and support!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Off and Running...
About 4 hours ago our last home study meeting was ending. We've answered dozens of questions, had doctors appointments, outlined our finances, proven we have insurance, and shown her our home. Lots of people have been asking "Now what? Are you finished?" Ha! Not even close. Here are the steps:
1.) Lisa takes about 10 hours to write up the home study
2.) We review the home study for any errors or misinformation
3.)The home study is sent to DSS (SC is one of only 7 states that requires this step, of course!) for their approval
4.) Another copy is sent to our adoption agency for their review and approval
5.) When DSS is through with the home study, it is sent to an agency in Missouri that reviews every home study done in the US
6.) Once all of those agencies approve the home study and we finishing gathering MORE documents for our dossier the entire thing is sent to Ethiopia for their government to review and approve (our DTE)
But hey, having our home visits done is HUGE and Justin and I are so excited to have that part done. Justin has been absolutely amazing through this entire process, taking care of almost all of the paperwork. I don't know how we would have gotten all of this done without him. He is going to be the best dad. Before I get all sappy about how amazing he is, I'm going to go finish my online training and then finish packing for Togo. I'll update again when I get back. Thank you all so much for your love and support!
1.) Lisa takes about 10 hours to write up the home study
2.) We review the home study for any errors or misinformation
3.)The home study is sent to DSS (SC is one of only 7 states that requires this step, of course!) for their approval
4.) Another copy is sent to our adoption agency for their review and approval
5.) When DSS is through with the home study, it is sent to an agency in Missouri that reviews every home study done in the US
6.) Once all of those agencies approve the home study and we finishing gathering MORE documents for our dossier the entire thing is sent to Ethiopia for their government to review and approve (our DTE)
But hey, having our home visits done is HUGE and Justin and I are so excited to have that part done. Justin has been absolutely amazing through this entire process, taking care of almost all of the paperwork. I don't know how we would have gotten all of this done without him. He is going to be the best dad. Before I get all sappy about how amazing he is, I'm going to go finish my online training and then finish packing for Togo. I'll update again when I get back. Thank you all so much for your love and support!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
1 Visit Down, 3 to Go!
Whew! That was so much easier than I thought it would be! The lady arrived (10 minutes early might I add! Good thing we were ready!) and complimented our home right away. She went over some basic information to make sure we understood the process, toured the house, and then we discussed our motivations to adopt. We went ahead and scheduled our next meeting for this Sunday and she said this one will take "several hours" as she will go over all of the questions AWAA sent her. We also have to be interviewed separately, not really looking forward to that one! I'm fine with Justin by my side but when we are separate I have a feeling the nerves will really set in. She said she thinks we will be able to get all of our meetings done before we go to Togo (we leave in 2 weeks!)! So we were really excited to hear that so that while we are gone she can draft her report and get it submitted to her agency. Once the agency goes over everything it will be sent to AWAA and then we will work on finalizing all of the paperwork for our dossier (doss-e-ay). Justin has been completely amazing and has taken care of almost all of the paperwork for us! We are both having our physicals this week and then working on our financial report. After that, we are pretty much done... I think. I'm hoping our DTE (dossier to Ethiopia)will be sometime in January and from then it's just a lot of waiting. Justin and I are getting so excited and even though paperwork is no fun, it's exciting to be working towards this goal and ACTUALLY MAKING PROGRESS!
I'll try to make 2 more updates before we leave for Togo but no promises since I haven't even started packing yet! By the way, I found a feature where I can enter in 10 email addresses and for those 10 people it will send you a short little email letting you know when I've updated. I know some of you have stated that you wished it would do that so if you want me to add your email just send me a quick note through this or through email :) I also set it so ANYONE can make comments but put on a restrictor (that's a new Rachel word) that I have to approve comments before they will be posted. Love you all!
Favorite quote this week:
Justin turns to me in the car and says "I need to get a back seat for my CJ so we can put little Ethiopia back there when we take it out!" Cracked me up!
I'll try to make 2 more updates before we leave for Togo but no promises since I haven't even started packing yet! By the way, I found a feature where I can enter in 10 email addresses and for those 10 people it will send you a short little email letting you know when I've updated. I know some of you have stated that you wished it would do that so if you want me to add your email just send me a quick note through this or through email :) I also set it so ANYONE can make comments but put on a restrictor (that's a new Rachel word) that I have to approve comments before they will be posted. Love you all!
Favorite quote this week:
Justin turns to me in the car and says "I need to get a back seat for my CJ so we can put little Ethiopia back there when we take it out!" Cracked me up!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Here We Go!
My amazing husband has taken care of all of the preliminary paperwork for the homestudy and a lot of the paperwork for AWAA. We have first home study meeting with Lisa (our social worker) next Wednesday at 5pm! I can't believe we are here! We will meet with her 4 times. This one I think will be pretty easy with mostly basic information. I'm nervous about the next one though- she will meet with us individually. Justin says he is going to start with "I don't understand why she does the things she does, I just know she's always right... or at least she thinks she is." I'm working on coaching him to begin with a different answer :)
On another note, we are exactly 3 weeks away from our trip to Togo. I am so excited and time seems to be in a standstill sometimes. Once we get through this first home study visit I will be able to really focus on packing for the trip and making sure we have everything we need. I have been so humbled at the generosity of our family and friends that have helped to make this mission trip possible. It is amazing how God has planned all of this out! I'll update again next week, hopefully on Thursday to let you know how the meeting went. Thank you all so much for your prayers and support!
On another note, we are exactly 3 weeks away from our trip to Togo. I am so excited and time seems to be in a standstill sometimes. Once we get through this first home study visit I will be able to really focus on packing for the trip and making sure we have everything we need. I have been so humbled at the generosity of our family and friends that have helped to make this mission trip possible. It is amazing how God has planned all of this out! I'll update again next week, hopefully on Thursday to let you know how the meeting went. Thank you all so much for your prayers and support!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Reactions & Conversations
Not much to tell in the news area...we finished our preliminary homestudy paperwork (apparently we are now a part of a world where an 11 page autobiography is preliminary!) and have turned it in to the homestudy agency. After they look through it they will call us so we can schedule our first meeting. We have to have 4 meetings with the social worker. We are working on finishing things in the house and trying to train our dogs to be calm when the doorbell rings...
On another note, we have gone completely public with our adoption news (it's on facebook so it must be official, right?). It's been interesting hearing people's reactions. We've had everything from straight out asking "are you infertile or was this a choice?" to "oh" to "Wow! that's awesome!" We never know what to expect. It's stressful and frustrating and exciting all wrapped into one. Then, once you tell them it's international the thousands of personal questions come. It kind of makes me laugh when people say "I don't know if I could do that, not knowing what kind of child you'll be getting." Do you know that when they come the good ol' fashioned way? I mean, yeah it's your genes but we have all seen the random family members that make us go hmm.... He will be our son just as much as anyone else's child is theirs. We are taking risks yes, but everything in life worth anything involves risk. The hard part about this for me is what to say AFTER people say their congratulations. I feel like they are waiting for some great stories (like when people say they are pregnant they say when they are due and if they going to find out what it is, etc) but we don't really have news past that. We don't know how long it will take. We are just doing paperwork, which most people don't find exciting. I guess that will get easier as we get farther into the process.
On another note, we have gone completely public with our adoption news (it's on facebook so it must be official, right?). It's been interesting hearing people's reactions. We've had everything from straight out asking "are you infertile or was this a choice?" to "oh" to "Wow! that's awesome!" We never know what to expect. It's stressful and frustrating and exciting all wrapped into one. Then, once you tell them it's international the thousands of personal questions come. It kind of makes me laugh when people say "I don't know if I could do that, not knowing what kind of child you'll be getting." Do you know that when they come the good ol' fashioned way? I mean, yeah it's your genes but we have all seen the random family members that make us go hmm.... He will be our son just as much as anyone else's child is theirs. We are taking risks yes, but everything in life worth anything involves risk. The hard part about this for me is what to say AFTER people say their congratulations. I feel like they are waiting for some great stories (like when people say they are pregnant they say when they are due and if they going to find out what it is, etc) but we don't really have news past that. We don't know how long it will take. We are just doing paperwork, which most people don't find exciting. I guess that will get easier as we get farther into the process.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
And so it begins...
Our "paperwork pregnancy" has officially started. We have found a home study agency (and they are very close- on Central Ave!) and they have sent us all of the paperwork. Did I mention it took 3 separate emails with zipped files to send us everything? We have also been given our family coordinator for AWAA and she has sent us all of that paperwork as well, over 30 pages of guidelines and agreements for our dossier. Yep, they have chosen the right name for this process. It feels so real now. It's been hard and scary to get excited about this after so many months of disappointment. But, even though the expenses and paperwork are daunting, I feel very at peace with this decision (I think I've mentioned it before but I have always felt a pull towards adoption, even when I was young. I guess that was God's way of preparing me for this. I love how He knows things like that!). One thing I know we will need are at least 3 letters of reference so we'll have to see what their guidelines are a far as who can be a reference for us. Be on the lookout ;)
I am going to put some information about the expense of this process in here so that, hopefully, we can help someone who is interested in adopting. I'll keep a running record of the expenses on the right and write about any grants, fundraisers, or loan information (they do interest free loans for adoption) that we find helpful as well. Justin and I found out that the state gives help for adoption costs to state employees! Yay! We don't get it until we bring him home but that means if we have to get a loan it will help us and hey, we all know kids aren't cheap! We also will receive a $2,000 tax credit every year until he's 18 on top of the child tax credit everyone gets.
I am going to put some information about the expense of this process in here so that, hopefully, we can help someone who is interested in adopting. I'll keep a running record of the expenses on the right and write about any grants, fundraisers, or loan information (they do interest free loans for adoption) that we find helpful as well. Justin and I found out that the state gives help for adoption costs to state employees! Yay! We don't get it until we bring him home but that means if we have to get a loan it will help us and hey, we all know kids aren't cheap! We also will receive a $2,000 tax credit every year until he's 18 on top of the child tax credit everyone gets.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Good News!
We just got our call from the adoption agency.... WE'RE APPROVED!!! We now will begin our "paperwork pregnancy" for our homestudy! Thank you all so much for all your prayers, love, and support! Love you all!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Step one: complete!
Justin and I submitted our application to AWAA on Tuesday, August 24th. The wait time to see if we are accepted is 10 business days. It's been 5 and it feels like it's been 5 months. How am I going to wait so long for our referral?? Ugh!! Praying for the health and safety of our developing child and his birth mother and a little patience for us :)
By the way- we requested a boy!
Here's how the process goes:
Step #1: Submit Application
Step #2: Receive acceptance for organization
Step #3-30: Homestudy (this includes physicals, discipline beliefs, description of home, inspection by fire marshall and DHEC of home, proof that our pups are vaccinated, and so much more!) It is referred to as the "paperwork pregnancy"
Step #31: Approval of home study
Step #32: Wait for referral (that's when they find a child for us!)
Step #33: Receive phone call that will change our lives forever telling us they have found a child for us
Step #34: Go to Ethiopia & meet our son, go to court to apply for adoption (7-10 days)
Step #35: Go home (leaving our son in the orphanage of Ethiopia), will be the hardest 2-3 months of our lives
Step #36: Get phone call saying we can go back and get our son after all paperwork has processed
Step #37: Go to Ethiopia and bring home our baby! :)
Love you all!
By the way- we requested a boy!
Here's how the process goes:
Step #1: Submit Application
Step #2: Receive acceptance for organization
Step #3-30: Homestudy (this includes physicals, discipline beliefs, description of home, inspection by fire marshall and DHEC of home, proof that our pups are vaccinated, and so much more!) It is referred to as the "paperwork pregnancy"
Step #31: Approval of home study
Step #32: Wait for referral (that's when they find a child for us!)
Step #33: Receive phone call that will change our lives forever telling us they have found a child for us
Step #34: Go to Ethiopia & meet our son, go to court to apply for adoption (7-10 days)
Step #35: Go home (leaving our son in the orphanage of Ethiopia), will be the hardest 2-3 months of our lives
Step #36: Get phone call saying we can go back and get our son after all paperwork has processed
Step #37: Go to Ethiopia and bring home our baby! :)
Love you all!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Exciting News!
After weeks of going back and forth on pros and cons of all the different countries we've decided on Ethiopia!! The timeline is 12-16 months from the time we get approved and the baby (probably a boy) will be 8-10 months old when he comes home with us. Do the math... someone in Ethiopia is pregnant with our child right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Justin was just laughing and shaking his head at me when I told him it took everything in me not to start buying baby room stuff when I was out running errands yesterday. We are both so excited to finally get the ball rolling on this process. Our goal to submit the online application to the agency is by Friday. We will hear within 10 business days whether they have accepted us or not and then we will begin what they call the "paperwork pregnancy." This includes our home study which can be overwhelming. We have to do everything from have physicals to have our home inspected to writing out our beliefs about raising children. We are praying to remember that these requirements are in place for the children's protection. It can be frustrating to feel so "picked over" when we know we are good people and then see some of the people that have children and they way they treat them...
I will do my best to keep updating on everything as we go through this process although being back to work makes it a little trickier :)
Here is the website with the information in case you want to see: http://www.awaa.org/programs/ethiopia/
Thank you all so much for your love and support! We couldn't do this without you!
Justin was just laughing and shaking his head at me when I told him it took everything in me not to start buying baby room stuff when I was out running errands yesterday. We are both so excited to finally get the ball rolling on this process. Our goal to submit the online application to the agency is by Friday. We will hear within 10 business days whether they have accepted us or not and then we will begin what they call the "paperwork pregnancy." This includes our home study which can be overwhelming. We have to do everything from have physicals to have our home inspected to writing out our beliefs about raising children. We are praying to remember that these requirements are in place for the children's protection. It can be frustrating to feel so "picked over" when we know we are good people and then see some of the people that have children and they way they treat them...
I will do my best to keep updating on everything as we go through this process although being back to work makes it a little trickier :)
Here is the website with the information in case you want to see: http://www.awaa.org/programs/ethiopia/
Thank you all so much for your love and support! We couldn't do this without you!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
One decision down... 400 to go...
Sorry it has been so long since I have updated. Getting ready for school to start has kept me very busy!
We did finally decide on international adoption. I am completely psyched about this decision and I am trying to come to terms with missing the first 6-8 months and being okay with that. This requires focusing on the "big picture" which I usually can do fairly well, but when my emotions are involved it's a little more difficult.
The next big decision- an agency and/or country.
The agency I like the best is AWAA (America World Adoption Agency) which works with 7 countries. Our baby's nationality is not important to us, we are open to anything, so we are looking more at the financial side of that decision. Here are our choices if we go with this agency:
China- $24,690-$36,720- one trip required by at least one parent for 12-15 days- wait time I've heard can be up to 4 years (youngest 6 months)
Kazakhstan-$44,540-$58,440- both parents must go for 3-4 weeks and then at least one parent for 7-10 days -wait time 18-24 months (youngest 12 months)
Rwanda-$19,685-$27,990- at least one parent for 10-14 days- wait time 12-16 months (youngest children 3 months)
Ethiopia-$22,080-$32,580- both parents for 7-10 days and then at least on parent for 5-7 days-wait time 10-24 months (young children 1 month)
Brazil-$25,695-$37,395-both parents for 6 weeks- wait time 11-14 months (youngest children 5 years)
Ukraine-$32,710-$49,470- both parents for 5-7 weeks- wait time 12-15 months (youngest 14 months)
Russia- $46,485-$63,410- both parents on two trips, the first for 1 week, the second is 2-4 weeks- wait time 12-18 months (as young as 10 months)
Wait time= from the time the application is processed until a referral (you get matched with a child) is made
Youngest= that does not mean that is the age of the child when we bring him/her home. That is the youngest in the orphanages available for adoption. You have to add on time after that for them to be referred and then court, visas, etc.
So, based on this Russia (too expensive), Ukraine (trips are impossible), Brazil (we want an infant & trip is too long), Kazakhstan (too expensive), and China (four years!!) are out. That leaves us with Rwanda and Ethiopia. Rwanda is new to international adoption, i.e. their laws are constantly changing, but it is a little less expensive. Ethiopia requires two trips. We would meet and spend time with our child on the first trip and then have to LEAVE him/her there for TWO TO THREE MONTHS. I think that would be torture... Rwanda isn't exactly known for its safety and does not currently recognize or license foreign agencies but does not prohibit agencies from assisting families with the complicated paperwork and process.
Praying for guidance on this decision...
We did finally decide on international adoption. I am completely psyched about this decision and I am trying to come to terms with missing the first 6-8 months and being okay with that. This requires focusing on the "big picture" which I usually can do fairly well, but when my emotions are involved it's a little more difficult.
The next big decision- an agency and/or country.
The agency I like the best is AWAA (America World Adoption Agency) which works with 7 countries. Our baby's nationality is not important to us, we are open to anything, so we are looking more at the financial side of that decision. Here are our choices if we go with this agency:
China- $24,690-$36,720- one trip required by at least one parent for 12-15 days- wait time I've heard can be up to 4 years (youngest 6 months)
Kazakhstan-$44,540-$58,440- both parents must go for 3-4 weeks and then at least one parent for 7-10 days -wait time 18-24 months (youngest 12 months)
Rwanda-$19,685-$27,990- at least one parent for 10-14 days- wait time 12-16 months (youngest children 3 months)
Ethiopia-$22,080-$32,580- both parents for 7-10 days and then at least on parent for 5-7 days-wait time 10-24 months (young children 1 month)
Brazil-$25,695-$37,395-both parents for 6 weeks- wait time 11-14 months (youngest children 5 years)
Ukraine-$32,710-$49,470- both parents for 5-7 weeks- wait time 12-15 months (youngest 14 months)
Russia- $46,485-$63,410- both parents on two trips, the first for 1 week, the second is 2-4 weeks- wait time 12-18 months (as young as 10 months)
Wait time= from the time the application is processed until a referral (you get matched with a child) is made
Youngest= that does not mean that is the age of the child when we bring him/her home. That is the youngest in the orphanages available for adoption. You have to add on time after that for them to be referred and then court, visas, etc.
So, based on this Russia (too expensive), Ukraine (trips are impossible), Brazil (we want an infant & trip is too long), Kazakhstan (too expensive), and China (four years!!) are out. That leaves us with Rwanda and Ethiopia. Rwanda is new to international adoption, i.e. their laws are constantly changing, but it is a little less expensive. Ethiopia requires two trips. We would meet and spend time with our child on the first trip and then have to LEAVE him/her there for TWO TO THREE MONTHS. I think that would be torture... Rwanda isn't exactly known for its safety and does not currently recognize or license foreign agencies but does not prohibit agencies from assisting families with the complicated paperwork and process.
Praying for guidance on this decision...
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
DSS or International?
We attended the orientation at DSS tonight and I left feeling more confused than when I arrived. Last week we seemed to be really heading towards international. Then tonight, I got pumped about DSS adoption. Well, sort of. Ugh! I wish God would hang a banner across our yard saying "Justin & Rachel- ____ is the path I want you to take." So here are my thoughts on both:
DSS
*practically FREE
*very little say in the process
*no anticipated timeline once approved, could be weeks, could be years
*must decide how much risk we are willing to take (based on if the child's parents' rights have been terminated for the mother and/or father)
International
*costs alot, but doable (is that a word?) with a little work
*agencies have support and help us through the process
*timeline 10-16 months from start to finish
*no issues of parental rights
*have to travel, possibly twice, at what might be inopportune times
I am trying so hard to see what is best for us and our future child that I am completely stressed about this decision (I started crying at Kickin' Chicken, I can't stand how emotional I am!). Justin feels international is best. I'm stressed about the financial side of it.
I'm also concerned, with either of these options, that we will miss so much. First smile, first time he/she sits up, first time he/she crawls... I know I have to think about the positive side of things (i.e.- no stretch marks, no labor, no morning sickness, etc.) but I can't help but feel like we are already having to miss out on so much, why do we have to miss that stuff as well? Why does this have to be so hard? I know God has a plan and there is a reason we are adopting but I really wish he would spell it out for me sometimes!
Just an fyi- I also am helping to keep a blog about our Togo trip and preparations. The link is http://togomedical.blogspot.com/ in case you are interested!
Love you all and thank you so much for following along we figure out what God has in store for us!
Rachel
DSS
*practically FREE
*very little say in the process
*no anticipated timeline once approved, could be weeks, could be years
*must decide how much risk we are willing to take (based on if the child's parents' rights have been terminated for the mother and/or father)
International
*costs alot, but doable (is that a word?) with a little work
*agencies have support and help us through the process
*timeline 10-16 months from start to finish
*no issues of parental rights
*have to travel, possibly twice, at what might be inopportune times
I am trying so hard to see what is best for us and our future child that I am completely stressed about this decision (I started crying at Kickin' Chicken, I can't stand how emotional I am!). Justin feels international is best. I'm stressed about the financial side of it.
I'm also concerned, with either of these options, that we will miss so much. First smile, first time he/she sits up, first time he/she crawls... I know I have to think about the positive side of things (i.e.- no stretch marks, no labor, no morning sickness, etc.) but I can't help but feel like we are already having to miss out on so much, why do we have to miss that stuff as well? Why does this have to be so hard? I know God has a plan and there is a reason we are adopting but I really wish he would spell it out for me sometimes!
Just an fyi- I also am helping to keep a blog about our Togo trip and preparations. The link is http://togomedical.blogspot.com/ in case you are interested!
Love you all and thank you so much for following along we figure out what God has in store for us!
Rachel
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Ideas & News...
So, I figured out what my second career is going to be. I want to start a foundation that assist families with these first steps in adoption. It would be a resource for information on all types of adoption, offering counseling and support through the initial decision making process. Then, once a family has made a decision, we would have a relationship with reputable agencies and lawyers to direct them towards. We would also have a division that helped families write grants and loans to figure out how to pay for the process. If the agency/attorney didn't have a support system for the rest of the process, we would stay with them through placement and the first couple years. I really want to do this, I feel like it's a calling. Justin says I should contact Angelina Jolie for a celebrity sponsor! :) Maybe my next master's will be an M. BA so I can do this...
On another note, we've been in contact with DSS and will fax our application in on Thursday!! Here are the steps according to their website (italics mean it's already done or is scheduled)-
Steps to become an adoptive parent:
•Contact one of the regional offices to inquiry and receive application.
•Application completed and returned to the regional office which serves your resident county.
•Complete SLED/ Fingerprints and Child Abuse Central register releases on all members of household 18 years and older. July 20th at Orientation
•Attend 14 hours of preparatory training to help with self evaluation of the types of children which would fit into your family. 2 hours will be done at orientation on July 20th!!
•Fire and sanitation inspections completed on home by the Fire Marshal and DHEC.
•Home Visits: adoption specialist visits the home and completes interviews for pre- placement investigation.
•Three/ Four References received and interviewed by adoption specialist.
•Medicals are required on all family members.
•Provide copies of birth certificates, Marriage license and divorce petitions and decrees if applicable. Given at orientation on July 20th
•During assessment family and agency assess qualifications and readiness to adopt.
•Approval received and family considered for children along with other approved and waiting families.
•Family meets child and begins visitation with child.
•Placement occurs when child and family are ready for move.
•Post placement period begins and can continue up to 12 months.
•Finalization of the adoption in Family Court.
•Adoption Preservation services are available upon request after the finalization of the adoption.
On another note, we've been in contact with DSS and will fax our application in on Thursday!! Here are the steps according to their website (italics mean it's already done or is scheduled)-
Steps to become an adoptive parent:
•Contact one of the regional offices to inquiry and receive application.
•Application completed and returned to the regional office which serves your resident county.
•Complete SLED/ Fingerprints and Child Abuse Central register releases on all members of household 18 years and older. July 20th at Orientation
•Attend 14 hours of preparatory training to help with self evaluation of the types of children which would fit into your family. 2 hours will be done at orientation on July 20th!!
•Fire and sanitation inspections completed on home by the Fire Marshal and DHEC.
•Home Visits: adoption specialist visits the home and completes interviews for pre- placement investigation.
•Three/ Four References received and interviewed by adoption specialist.
•Medicals are required on all family members.
•Provide copies of birth certificates, Marriage license and divorce petitions and decrees if applicable. Given at orientation on July 20th
•During assessment family and agency assess qualifications and readiness to adopt.
•Approval received and family considered for children along with other approved and waiting families.
Wait, Wait, Wait...
•Placement committee selects family and notifies family and family is presented full background on child/ children for whom family is selected.•Family meets child and begins visitation with child.
•Placement occurs when child and family are ready for move.
•Post placement period begins and can continue up to 12 months.
•Finalization of the adoption in Family Court.
•Adoption Preservation services are available upon request after the finalization of the adoption.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Frustration is setting in...
I used to laugh when I heard people say "All I want to do is talk to someone!" about calling various companies for various problems. I have never agreed more. I have spent hours online, trying to find which agency or lawyer would best fit our values, beliefs, and need. But how much can you really get from a website? I have filled out countless contact forms, surveys about types of adoption, and tried to sort out what's what instead of having to call every single agency or lawyer in the state (which, so far I've only found SIX in the entire state). I have not heard back from a single organization. I originally thought we would go through Bethany but they don't handle foster adoptions in SC. All I want to do is find someone we can sit down with that has knowledge of all options and is able to give us some real statistics, costs, possible difficulties, and pertinent information for the next steps. Is that too much to ask?? Every agency I find only deals with one option and the lawyers are spread across the state and don't have information online to know if I'm wasting my time going that route. One website said it was more expensive to go through an agency, which didn't make a lot of sense to me. Then, if we go through foster care, do we even have to have a lawyer or agency? Do we know for sure that's what we want without getting the whole picture? I know this isn't going to be easy, I never expected it to be. But I also didn't think it would be this hard just to get the process started.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Getting Closer...
8 days from now I will be D-O-N-E with my master's degree! I can't believe I finally did it! It is kind of scary to think about all of the free time I am going to have in just over a week.
This past weekend Justin and I went to St. Augustine to attend a friend's wedding and celebrate our anniversary. We had an AMAZING time (even if the city wasn't the most entertaining in the world). It was so nice just being together with no homework/school work, no phones going off, no agenda. I try to stay positive? hopeful? sentimental? that it will be our last anniversary without a child and I always truly enjoy the time we have together.
I emailed Bethany Christian Adoptive Services this morning to set up an appointment with them. They don't deal with DSS foster care children (unless we go outside SC) but their values & mission go with ours and I feel like contacting them is a good first step. They handle a lot of domestic and international adoptions so I know they will be able to give us the big picture with all of the small details in regards to those options. Once we have that information, we'll contact another agency to discuss foster adoptions options so that we have all of the options. I'm going to schedule the appointment for as early in July as possible so we can really get the ball rolling before school starts. Between adoption and Togo, I feel like time cannot go by fast enough! I am so excited (as the tune to that song go through my head... I feel like Jessie on Saved by the Bell, you know you what episode I'm talking about!) Ok, that's my sign I need to stop writing... :)
This past weekend Justin and I went to St. Augustine to attend a friend's wedding and celebrate our anniversary. We had an AMAZING time (even if the city wasn't the most entertaining in the world). It was so nice just being together with no homework/school work, no phones going off, no agenda. I try to stay positive? hopeful? sentimental? that it will be our last anniversary without a child and I always truly enjoy the time we have together.
I emailed Bethany Christian Adoptive Services this morning to set up an appointment with them. They don't deal with DSS foster care children (unless we go outside SC) but their values & mission go with ours and I feel like contacting them is a good first step. They handle a lot of domestic and international adoptions so I know they will be able to give us the big picture with all of the small details in regards to those options. Once we have that information, we'll contact another agency to discuss foster adoptions options so that we have all of the options. I'm going to schedule the appointment for as early in July as possible so we can really get the ball rolling before school starts. Between adoption and Togo, I feel like time cannot go by fast enough! I am so excited (as the tune to that song go through my head... I feel like Jessie on Saved by the Bell, you know you what episode I'm talking about!) Ok, that's my sign I need to stop writing... :)
Monday, June 14, 2010
Time goes by so fast!
This Thursday marks 4 years for Justin and I! Marrying him was the best decision I have ever made. He is my best friend and I can't wait to see what the future brings us!
Check out the shoes! I was the only one that did not know what was going on as the bridal party and congregation began giggling during the prayer. I love his sense of humor, he makes me laugh every day :)
This is one of my favorite pics. The photographer was so excited about the way the sunlight was falling, we were slow dancing to "The Train" to get this great shot!
Off to happily every after...
I was not a huge fan of our cake but in the grand scheme of things, it was delicious and we ended as Mr. and Mrs.!
This is one of my favorite pics. The photographer was so excited about the way the sunlight was falling, we were slow dancing to "The Train" to get this great shot!
Off to happily every after...
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Faith
I was talking to a girl at Julie's house yesterday about a friend of theirs that was adopting a little girl from China. She said it took them FOUR YEARS.... I felt my heart breaking at that number. In my head all I could think was "four years?? Everyone else only has to wait 9 months! We've already waited 3 1/2 years... another four years??" Then my hand fell on my car keys. When I was in high school I went to youth program one Wednesday night with some friends and the youth pastor gave out nuts to everyone (the nuts like you put on screw to hold them in place). He told us the story about how on helicopters there is a nut at the top of the blades that holds them in place and pilots often call it the "Jesus Nut" because they have to have faith that it was put on properly and that God will keep them safe. I have kept my Jesus nut for these past 10 years and often play with it when I'm holding my keys. Yesterday, I needed that Jesus nut. It reminded me that I have to have faith that God will keep me safe- emotionally, that is. He would never give me more than I can carry. If it is in His plan to make it take four years, then it will and He will help me walk those years with Justin. At this point, all we can do is have faith...
Monday, May 31, 2010
Choices, Choices
The school year has come to a close and that means more free time for me. These past few years that has been both a curse and a blessing. When I have that much time to think I have to focus on being positive, focusing on what I have instead of what I don't. Having wonderful friends and family helps with this. :) I also think preparing for our mission trip this fall will help.
Justin and I ordered a book to get us started with the adoption process and it has helped us understand some of our choices a little bit better. I have listed them below to help you all have a better understanding of the options.
Domestic Infant- This is the typical adoption most people think of here in the US. It would require us to create a scrapbook about ourselves and write "Dear Birth Mother" letters to be placed into a database of other wanting couples. Then birth mothers sort through them and decide who they want. The book says to prepare for at least one failed adoption, meaning we would go through everything and then the birth mother would change her mind. Meaning we would get our hearts broken. This option is not high on our list. I don't want to feel like we have to market ourselves though I am not opposed to putting it out there and also going forward with the other choices.
International- This option, obviously, means we would get a child from another country. We were really interested in getting a child from Togo (the country we are going to in the fall and where Justin traveled last fall) but each country has its own list of requirements and we don't meet theirs. To adopt a child from Togo, we would have to be 30. I find this requirement interesting considering the young age women in their own country have children... We are very interested in international adoption, however, the cost is a big deterrent for us. Most countries require you to travel to it more than once which requires time away from work and traveling expenses on top of the initial adoption costs. I also worry about how the child would be when we were finally able to take custody. The first few weeks of life are so critical for development and if he or she was laying in a crib, never being held I wonder what issues would arise later. On that note, does that make me a bad person for not wanting child that may have difficulties? As a Christian, shouldn't I want those children more because I have a chance to give them a better life?
Fost-Adopt- This program works with the US foster system. Through this program we would request only infants and we would only be given children that have little or no chance of being reunited with family or finding a family member that wants him or her. To me this means children such as "Safe Haven" babies or women that have given children in the past but I don't know exactly. In our book a women went through this program and had 2 babies that she thought she would be able to adopt but family members were found to take them before she finally was able to adopt the third baby that was placed with her. While I know giving back a baby we had cared for would be INCREDIBLY difficult, Justin and I are leaning toward this option. We know that we would be a key part in giving a child a happy, healthy start even if we had to give him or her up and that eventually we would find the child we are destined to have. This option also appeals to us financially. We don't want to start our family with a $23,000 debt (the average cost of an adoption) that we would have to pay. I know there are tax credits and all but it would still be a financial burden that we could avoid through this option. As a teacher, I have had kids that are in foster care and knowing that we are helping, even in a small way, gives me comfort for those kids that I see going through painful times at school. I feel a strong pull to this option, despite the heartaches I know it could cause.
Tons of choices, tons of questions. We won't be able to decide until we sit down and talk with omeone but we have joined some online support groups to follow and find journal articles on. We put our faith in God and pray that he will show us the correct path.
Justin and I ordered a book to get us started with the adoption process and it has helped us understand some of our choices a little bit better. I have listed them below to help you all have a better understanding of the options.
Domestic Infant- This is the typical adoption most people think of here in the US. It would require us to create a scrapbook about ourselves and write "Dear Birth Mother" letters to be placed into a database of other wanting couples. Then birth mothers sort through them and decide who they want. The book says to prepare for at least one failed adoption, meaning we would go through everything and then the birth mother would change her mind. Meaning we would get our hearts broken. This option is not high on our list. I don't want to feel like we have to market ourselves though I am not opposed to putting it out there and also going forward with the other choices.
International- This option, obviously, means we would get a child from another country. We were really interested in getting a child from Togo (the country we are going to in the fall and where Justin traveled last fall) but each country has its own list of requirements and we don't meet theirs. To adopt a child from Togo, we would have to be 30. I find this requirement interesting considering the young age women in their own country have children... We are very interested in international adoption, however, the cost is a big deterrent for us. Most countries require you to travel to it more than once which requires time away from work and traveling expenses on top of the initial adoption costs. I also worry about how the child would be when we were finally able to take custody. The first few weeks of life are so critical for development and if he or she was laying in a crib, never being held I wonder what issues would arise later. On that note, does that make me a bad person for not wanting child that may have difficulties? As a Christian, shouldn't I want those children more because I have a chance to give them a better life?
Fost-Adopt- This program works with the US foster system. Through this program we would request only infants and we would only be given children that have little or no chance of being reunited with family or finding a family member that wants him or her. To me this means children such as "Safe Haven" babies or women that have given children in the past but I don't know exactly. In our book a women went through this program and had 2 babies that she thought she would be able to adopt but family members were found to take them before she finally was able to adopt the third baby that was placed with her. While I know giving back a baby we had cared for would be INCREDIBLY difficult, Justin and I are leaning toward this option. We know that we would be a key part in giving a child a happy, healthy start even if we had to give him or her up and that eventually we would find the child we are destined to have. This option also appeals to us financially. We don't want to start our family with a $23,000 debt (the average cost of an adoption) that we would have to pay. I know there are tax credits and all but it would still be a financial burden that we could avoid through this option. As a teacher, I have had kids that are in foster care and knowing that we are helping, even in a small way, gives me comfort for those kids that I see going through painful times at school. I feel a strong pull to this option, despite the heartaches I know it could cause.
Tons of choices, tons of questions. We won't be able to decide until we sit down and talk with omeone but we have joined some online support groups to follow and find journal articles on. We put our faith in God and pray that he will show us the correct path.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Getting Started
As the realities of the past 3 1/2 years have set in, Justin and I have made the awesome decision to adopt. Like any big decision, I am dealing with thousands of questions and emotions that I wish could all be answered at once. After speaking with close friends and family about our decision I do feel more certain in our decision and thought you would like to be a part of this process so I am going to blog about it as we work through the dozens of steps and decisions that lay ahead of us. I have to admit this is also kind of like therapy for me because it gives me an outlet for my thoughts and a safe place to think through ideas. I am by no means an amazing writer but I hope you will enjoy reading about this journey and feel comfort in being part of it, no matter where you are :)
After three rounds of unsuccessful, and might I add very expensive, fertility treatments Justin and I knew we had to make some decisions about how we were going to start a family. The doctor spelled it out for us: IVF or adoption. Not a decision we had seen in our future when we decided to start a family in January of 2007. That decision seems so insignificant now, as if we had a choice in the matter. God decides when life begins, not us. The one thing that has held comfort to me over this whole ordeal is to keep telling myself that I do not know His plan, nor am I meant to know it. It sounds crazy now but growing up, I've always felt drawn to adoption, like it was something I would want to do after my own kids had grown. I think now that was God's way of keeping my heart open for it. I am so ready to begin the whole process and meet with someone who can give us statistics (I'm a numbers person) on how long and what the process will look and feel like. In my heart, I'm ready to get the process underway. In my mind, I know that we have to take this slow. Justin and I have to both be ready to sit down with an agency and ask those questions and face the difficulties of where from, which type, how long, and how much this process will be. We are both thinking we will officially start in July. I'll be done with grad school then and will be able to really devote myself just to this for 2 months before work begins again.
If I could wish one thing about this process, it would be people's reactions. I can't stand it when people say "Well, you know as soon as you adopt you'll get pregnant." No, we won't. Yes, miracles occur but I have been clinging to hope for over 3 years about that. I am happy with our decision and I know now that this is how we are going to have a family. Stop trying to make it sound like we are settling. We had a choice, ours through IVF or someone else's through adoption. We chose adoption. We are happy with this choice and we are excited about the family that we will have.
For now, we are trying to do as much research as possible. I am not writing this for pity or sympathy. I want our family and friends to understand and to be a part of this. I hope you will feel inclined to pray for us, that God will give us wisdom in our decisions and strength as follow through with them. I am so thankful to have such an amazing marriage with Justin and I know that it is our bond and our bond with God that will get us through these difficult and amazing times ahead.
After three rounds of unsuccessful, and might I add very expensive, fertility treatments Justin and I knew we had to make some decisions about how we were going to start a family. The doctor spelled it out for us: IVF or adoption. Not a decision we had seen in our future when we decided to start a family in January of 2007. That decision seems so insignificant now, as if we had a choice in the matter. God decides when life begins, not us. The one thing that has held comfort to me over this whole ordeal is to keep telling myself that I do not know His plan, nor am I meant to know it. It sounds crazy now but growing up, I've always felt drawn to adoption, like it was something I would want to do after my own kids had grown. I think now that was God's way of keeping my heart open for it. I am so ready to begin the whole process and meet with someone who can give us statistics (I'm a numbers person) on how long and what the process will look and feel like. In my heart, I'm ready to get the process underway. In my mind, I know that we have to take this slow. Justin and I have to both be ready to sit down with an agency and ask those questions and face the difficulties of where from, which type, how long, and how much this process will be. We are both thinking we will officially start in July. I'll be done with grad school then and will be able to really devote myself just to this for 2 months before work begins again.
If I could wish one thing about this process, it would be people's reactions. I can't stand it when people say "Well, you know as soon as you adopt you'll get pregnant." No, we won't. Yes, miracles occur but I have been clinging to hope for over 3 years about that. I am happy with our decision and I know now that this is how we are going to have a family. Stop trying to make it sound like we are settling. We had a choice, ours through IVF or someone else's through adoption. We chose adoption. We are happy with this choice and we are excited about the family that we will have.
For now, we are trying to do as much research as possible. I am not writing this for pity or sympathy. I want our family and friends to understand and to be a part of this. I hope you will feel inclined to pray for us, that God will give us wisdom in our decisions and strength as follow through with them. I am so thankful to have such an amazing marriage with Justin and I know that it is our bond and our bond with God that will get us through these difficult and amazing times ahead.
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