We attended the orientation at DSS tonight and I left feeling more confused than when I arrived. Last week we seemed to be really heading towards international. Then tonight, I got pumped about DSS adoption. Well, sort of. Ugh! I wish God would hang a banner across our yard saying "Justin & Rachel- ____ is the path I want you to take." So here are my thoughts on both:
DSS
*practically FREE
*very little say in the process
*no anticipated timeline once approved, could be weeks, could be years
*must decide how much risk we are willing to take (based on if the child's parents' rights have been terminated for the mother and/or father)
International
*costs alot, but doable (is that a word?) with a little work
*agencies have support and help us through the process
*timeline 10-16 months from start to finish
*no issues of parental rights
*have to travel, possibly twice, at what might be inopportune times
I am trying so hard to see what is best for us and our future child that I am completely stressed about this decision (I started crying at Kickin' Chicken, I can't stand how emotional I am!). Justin feels international is best. I'm stressed about the financial side of it.
I'm also concerned, with either of these options, that we will miss so much. First smile, first time he/she sits up, first time he/she crawls... I know I have to think about the positive side of things (i.e.- no stretch marks, no labor, no morning sickness, etc.) but I can't help but feel like we are already having to miss out on so much, why do we have to miss that stuff as well? Why does this have to be so hard? I know God has a plan and there is a reason we are adopting but I really wish he would spell it out for me sometimes!
Just an fyi- I also am helping to keep a blog about our Togo trip and preparations. The link is http://togomedical.blogspot.com/ in case you are interested!
Love you all and thank you so much for following along we figure out what God has in store for us!
Rachel
My goodness there is a lot to think about! I remember a very specific time in my life praying so hard that God would just put an answer right in front of my face. I didn't get the answer within the time I wanted, but He did give it to me. It's hard to be patient...but He will show you the way when the time is right. Keep following your heart. Love ya'll!
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