Choices, Choices

The school year has come to a close and that means more free time for me. These past few years that has been both a curse and a blessing. When I have that much time to think I have to focus on being positive, focusing on what I have instead of what I don't. Having wonderful friends and family helps with this. :) I also think preparing for our mission trip this fall will help.

Justin and I ordered a book to get us started with the adoption process and it has helped us understand some of our choices a little bit better. I have listed them below to help you all have a better understanding of the options.

Domestic Infant- This is the typical adoption most people think of here in the US. It would require us to create a scrapbook about ourselves and write "Dear Birth Mother" letters to be placed into a database of other wanting couples. Then birth mothers sort through them and decide who they want. The book says to prepare for at least one failed adoption, meaning we would go through everything and then the birth mother would change her mind. Meaning we would get our hearts broken. This option is not high on our list. I don't want to feel like we have to market ourselves though I am not opposed to putting it out there and also going forward with the other choices.

International- This option, obviously, means we would get a child from another country. We were really interested in getting a child from Togo (the country we are going to in the fall and where Justin traveled last fall) but each country has its own list of requirements and we don't meet theirs. To adopt a child from Togo, we would have to be 30. I find this requirement interesting considering the young age women in their own country have children... We are very interested in international adoption, however, the cost is a big deterrent for us. Most countries require you to travel to it more than once which requires time away from work and traveling expenses on top of the initial adoption costs. I also worry about how the child would be when we were finally able to take custody. The first few weeks of life are so critical for development and if he or she was laying in a crib, never being held I wonder what issues would arise later. On that note, does that make me a bad person for not wanting child that may have difficulties? As a Christian, shouldn't I want those children more because I have a chance to give them a better life?

Fost-Adopt- This program works with the US foster system. Through this program we would request only infants and we would only be given children that have little or no chance of being reunited with family or finding a family member that wants him or her. To me this means children such as "Safe Haven" babies or women that have given children in the past but I don't know exactly. In our book a women went through this program and had 2 babies that she thought she would be able to adopt but family members were found to take them before she finally was able to adopt the third baby that was placed with her. While I know giving back a baby we had cared for would be INCREDIBLY difficult, Justin and I are leaning toward this option. We know that we would be a key part in giving a child a happy, healthy start even if we had to give him or her up and that eventually we would find the child we are destined to have. This option also appeals to us financially. We don't want to start our family with a $23,000 debt (the average cost of an adoption) that we would have to pay. I know there are tax credits and all but it would still be a financial burden that we could avoid through this option. As a teacher, I have had kids that are in foster care and knowing that we are helping, even in a small way, gives me comfort for those kids that I see going through painful times at school. I feel a strong pull to this option, despite the heartaches I know it could cause.

Tons of choices, tons of questions. We won't be able to decide until we sit down and talk with omeone but we have joined some online support groups to follow and find journal articles on. We put our faith in God and pray that he will show us the correct path.