Movement and Magnificent Blessings

     After 13 months of waiting and moving only 1 spot on the unofficial list, I am happy to tell you He is moving adoptions with Ethiopia again! I don't know what has changed or why there has been no movement for so long but I am so thankful for these past 5 days. In the past 5 days we have moved up 7 spots to #37! It is important that the "37" part of that is unofficial and we actually have no idea what number we are at but the part we are certain about is that we have seen 9 families get referrals in the past 5 days (2 were for families that requested girls so they are in separate lines)! That's 10 children (1 was a sibling set) that have families to call their own and that will no longer be referred to as orphans! My hope is that this means the MOWYCA (Ethiopian government agency in charge of adoption) has been able to make the process more efficient while also making sure children are being referred with proper paperwork and thorough investigations.
     The families that are being referred have been on the list approximately 6 months longer than we have. Does this mean we have only another 6 months? Probably not. Those families started their wait time on a list that moved much faster. Do I feel it is possible that we will get a referral within a year? I do. Will I be devastated if it takes longer than that? Absolutely not. These years of waiting and trying have brought Justin and I so many blessings. From stregthening our marriage to teaching us how to give our lives to God and stop trying to control them to mission work to career goals to financial stability, the blessings He has given these past 5 1/2 years are mind blowing! I can't wait to be a mom and watch Justin be the amazing father I know he will be, but I also can't wait to see what happens during the rest of our wait! I truly thank Him for the journey He has taken us on. Has it been easy? No way. Has it changed me down to the very fiber of who I am, how I define myself, and how I live my life? 100%. When I go back and I look at pictures, read posts I wrote, or think about my life 5 years ago, I don't even recognize myself. All of these experiences have shaped me into the person I am today and I wouldn't change a thing. One of the biggest blessings through all of this has been my husband, Justin. He has been my rock that I could cry to, laugh with, be angry with, and love. The patience, compassion, and strength he has shown are amazing. God sure knew what He was doing when He teamed us up! 

Togo, West Africa 2011

1 Year Later

   Tomorrow is our 1 year anniversary of being DTE. When we got on the "list" we were listed at #45. Now, here we are a year later and we are listed as #44.
   A few weeks ago our pastor gave a sermon on patience and I thought I'd share some of the scriptures and messages from them that he spoke of and that have helped my husband and I through this year of no movement.

Psalm 37:7 Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to
act.
Ask yourself- who can I help while I am here? This will help you to have patience with a purpose.

Phil 4:8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
Ask yourself- what can you do while waiting? What do you fix your thoughts on? Seek His purpose for your wait.

Psalms 23-24 If the Lord delights in a man's way,he makes his steps firm; 24though he stumble, he will not fall,for the Lord upholds him with his hand.
Remember, you are where you are because He wants you there. His timing is perfect and His plans for us are always for good.

   So as we finish out year 1 of our wait, I hope you all are finding the positive in the wait and comfort in knowing that He would not ask us to wait if it was not for a purpose. Although I hate that I never have any "real" news to share, I am also so grateful to have others to share our story with! I hope you all are having a wonderful weekend.

Love,
Rachel

God doesn't do Plan B

   Last weekend I was talking with a friend who has just entered into the world that Justin and I have been a part of for 5 years now. She and her husband had a failed IUI and were trying to decide if they wanted to do IVF or adoption. When we were talking she shared that she never wanted to choose adoption because it is "plan B," that she knows that people who are adopting are called to do so. This really got me thinking...
    When people ask me why we are adopting my answer varies depending on the person. Do I portray our decision to adopt as plan B? Is that what people hear when I tell them our story? Then I started to giggle to myself. To think that adoption is "plan B" is to think you are in control. Isn't that what this entire chapter in my life has taught me- that we are not in control? And that I am so thankful that we aren't? Yes, I know there are lots of theological debates about free will and predestination. I, for one, believe it is a mixture of both. Without getting too much into that, I can honestly tell you I don't know how Justin and I would have made it through everything if we didn't believe God was in control and that He will protect and care for us. That He loves us and made us who we are- including making us unable to have children- and that He doesn't make mistakes. We are going through this because that was His plan. We are adopting because that is what He wants us to do. Is it more difficult than the average person's path to parenthood? Absolutely. Do I think it would have been easier if I had opened my eyes earlier? Yes. I've said it before and as the days pass, I see it more and more. God has been preparing us to be adoptive parents for a long time. This wasn't something He came up with on a whim one day and decided to change course, to do plan B. This was His plan A all the time. I just had to step back from my own view of what family means, of what future I had envisioned, and realize what He was trying to tell me. Man, I wish I had seen that earlier. It would have saved me a lot of heartache. But maybe that is what was supposed to happen. It taught me to rely on Him. It taught me to let go and not kid myself by thinking I do have control. It taught me how strong I can be through Him, with Him, because of Him. It helped Justin and I put God in the center of our marriage so that when we do become parents, we will be better equipped to teach our children to do the same thing. It is such a comforting thought to know He always has plan A all ready to go. That He is never caught off guard and, therefore, He is always preparing us for what lies ahead and pulling us out of hurt when we are going through trials. The words from one of the songs at church resonated with me today so I thought I'd share them with you:

You turned my way, you heard my cry
You turned my mourning into shouting
Sorrow may last for a night
But with your light, I am seeing, I am singing

You lifted me out, lifted me out
And set me dancing, dancing
Free, now I am free, your love rescued me
Now it's the anthem I'm singing

Many will see, many will hear
And find you strong enough to save
Many the wonders you have done
Your light has come, and I am seeing, I am singing

You lifted me out, lifted me out
And set me dancing, dancing
Free, now I am free, your love rescued me
Now it's the anthem I'm singing

Lost is where you found me
Shattered and frail
But you loved me still
Trouble may surround me
My heart may fail
But you never will (You never will)

"You Lifted Me Out" by Chris Tomlin

Love,

Rachel

New Challenge

      I am heading to Guatemala this summer! I absolutely fell in love with Togo and would love to keep going every year but it is so hard missing 2 weeks of work. More importantly, my gifts are definitely NOT in the medical field and I feel like the Guatemala trip (a teaching mission) will be a better fit. So, after lots of prayer I have signed up to go on a trip without Justin this year. Not only will I not have Justin by my side for this one, I don't know a single person on the team. Talk about God challenging me! I hate going anywhere without knowing someone and I'm going to Central America?? I can do this(that's what I keep telling myself, anyway)! To be totally honest, I'm not even nervous about it which tells me I am doing what God wants me to do. I'm sure I'll get a little nervous when it gets closer but so far, so good.
      As for the adoption, I go through ups and downs. Justin and I are trying to use this time to pay down debt, travel, and just spend some time together. Yes, I know, we need to enjoy it while we can because when we bring our little one home we won't be able to do that stuff again (if you could hear me say this you would sense the frustration at hearing this sentence over and over and over again). **Venting Warning** What I really want to say to people when they tell me that is, why don't you wait over 5 years for a child and let me know how you would be so excited about waiting?
      We are still praying for God to send us a sign and working every day at putting our human impatience, frustration, hurt, and jealousy (we have officially entered into baby season with all of our friends) in His hands.

Slacker

Ok, so I know I've been a total slacker in that I haven't posted in about 3...maybe 4?...months. Sorry about that. To be honest, I haven't wanted to write anything. Why? Because there is nothing to write. Our adoption process isn't just moving slowly, it's not moving at all. We are still #45. Yep, you read that right, #45. Justin and I have gotten to the point where we hate hearing someone ask "so, how are things going with your adoption?" Don't get me wrong, we LOVE the support and encouragement from all of our family and friends. It's just that everytime someone asks us that, we are reminded that things aren't moving. We are literally begging God for a sign as to what we are supposed to do... is He giving us time to have together? Is He teaching us patience? Is this not the direction He wants us to go?  I need a big blaring sign, please Lord.