Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Togo Time
So I know I have been super slack in my posts...welcome back to the school year! Part of that is because there really is no news about the adoption to share- you guessed it, we are still waiting! We haven't even moved anywhere on the list so that I can post about that (sorry, Jessie). What I can post about is Togo!
God has worked his magic again and Justin and I are going to Togo again this year! We have a team of 21 (crazy that it is even larger than last year) going and I'm really excited that there are 3 other couples going this year. I think that will be cool. It's so different being a "veteran" this year. My entire perspective has changed and there is no nervousness. Now when they talk about things at meetings I get an accurate picture in my head of what things will be like, although I'm sure it's different every year. Tracy Jo and I are really working hard to find a way to share the message of Christ's love with the kids, last year it was total chaos. There were at least 200 kids at every clinic and it was impossible to do anything but sing and dance and play with them. While I completely and thoroughly enjoyed doing that, we both left last year knowing we wanted to have a different plan. The areas we are going into this year have little or no knowledge of God. Close your eyes and try to imagine having never heard of Him... I can't imagine facing life's challenges without Him with me. It must be so lonely for them. They don't even know what they are missing!! The Pioneers Togo group will use our clinic to "plant the seed" of God in these villages and move missionaries into them to "help the seed grow and grow!" How cool is that? I am so excited!!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
His Timing is Perfect
God is amazing. There are so many blessings in our lives, I don't even know where to begin. Our adoption status hasn't changed in a few weeks and guess what, that's okay! A friend was asking me the other day how I'm doing with it all and my response was honestly and truthfully "Great!" I told her I don't know if I have finally learned to hand this over to Him or if I'm in denial or what but I truly am not upset about the extended wait time. Togo is in full swing, work is busy, Justin and I are enjoying our time together. God is using this time to heal our hearts from our fertility struggles and giving us the opportunity to be there for others going through that challenge. Don't get me wrong, I CAN'T WAIT to go get our little man but I have a peace about the waiting. I'm sure there will be days, possible even weeks, where I struggle with it but even the email we received that shared the extended wait time of 10-16 months didn't discourage my heart. I know that His timing is perfect and that He is asking us to wait for a reason. No matter what you have going on in your life, what you are waiting for- know that His timing is perfect and no matter how hard you try- you can't speed it up so give it to Him and look for the opportunities He is giving you to grow while you wait!
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
Love,
Rachel
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Ethiopia
Some sad facts about our son's birth country...
* One out of every 20 children born alive die in their first month of life
* One out of ten die before reaching their first birthday
* One out of six die before reaching their fifth birthday
* There are 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia
* The median age in Ethiopia is 18
* 1.5 million people in Ethiopia are infected with AIDS
* Per capita, Ethiopia receives less aid than any country in Africa
By the way, we are now #44 :)
* One out of every 20 children born alive die in their first month of life
* One out of ten die before reaching their first birthday
* One out of six die before reaching their fifth birthday
* There are 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia
* The median age in Ethiopia is 18
* 1.5 million people in Ethiopia are infected with AIDS
* Per capita, Ethiopia receives less aid than any country in Africa
By the way, we are now #44 :)
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Ups and Downs
We received some more news this week. AWAA has officially extended the expected wait time for referrals. For an infant boy it used to be a 6-8 month wait from DTE but due to the decrease in referrals being done per day it is now 10-16 months. So, if that stays true are looking at anywhere from March 2012 to July 2012. In order to protect my heart, I am telling myself May 2013 (I know that seems extreme but with wait times increasing, you never what could happen and this way it will be a pleasant surprise if it happens before that). The email also shared that they have now increased from 10 referrals a day to 15!! I truly don't want them to get back to 50 referrals a day unless they have found a way to ensure all adoptions are being done correctly. That being said, 5 a day seemed a bit extreme so I'm hoping they'll settle somewhere around 30 a day. Just wanted to share that news with you all. We were told to expect ups and downs, delays and more delays- I just didn't realize there would be this many! For now, we are enjoying our time together and preparing for our mission trip in November to Togo (I can't wait to go back!). I hope you are having a great week!
Love,
Love,
Rachel
Saturday, July 9, 2011
I know you have been wondering and I hate to tell you this but we have not moved, we are still at #47. Actually, we dropped to 48 and then a referral went out so we moved back to 47. See how slowly this list moves? (I can hear Jessie right now going "Are you serious??" haha). On a good note, they did report that they have increased the number of referrals from 5 to 10 a day- yay! Still no where near 50 a day but we'll take whatever increase we can get to subside our human impatience. I trust in God's timing with all my heart, I just get a little frustrated at my small picture view sometimes!
Africa's seasons don't run like ours do. They have rainy season and dry season. During the rainy season, most things shut down. The biggest reason they shut down is because the roads become impassible and so people can't get to work (remember, most roads are dirt there). During rainy season in Ethiopia court shuts down but MOWYCA doesn't and, of course, AWAA doesn't. So that means that they will still be matching children with their forever families but no one will be traveling to get their children until it's over. Basically, it doesn't change anything for us but there are several families that have recently been matched and so please pray that they get their court date/embassy date before the court closures so they aren't stuck just waiting for the season to be over. Court is closed from August 6th until the end of September/beginning of October. That's all for now, I have a 70lb dog trying to crawl in my lap because of a thunderstorm.
Love you all,
Africa's seasons don't run like ours do. They have rainy season and dry season. During the rainy season, most things shut down. The biggest reason they shut down is because the roads become impassible and so people can't get to work (remember, most roads are dirt there). During rainy season in Ethiopia court shuts down but MOWYCA doesn't and, of course, AWAA doesn't. So that means that they will still be matching children with their forever families but no one will be traveling to get their children until it's over. Basically, it doesn't change anything for us but there are several families that have recently been matched and so please pray that they get their court date/embassy date before the court closures so they aren't stuck just waiting for the season to be over. Court is closed from August 6th until the end of September/beginning of October. That's all for now, I have a 70lb dog trying to crawl in my lap because of a thunderstorm.
Love you all,
Rachel
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Heartbreaking...
We are a part of a Yahoo Group and in this group we are able to "talk" to other families going through the same thing for prayers, advice, and guidance as we are all in very different points with unique situations and experiences. One of the ladies in the group posted the letter below. Please read and, if you feel inclined, please take a minute to sign the petition to get these children home. The lady that wrote this adopted a little boy in 2008 (Zeke) right before they closed international adoptions in Vietnam. I can't even imagine what these parents are going through!
I recently found out that there are 16 Vietnamese kids who were referred to US families in 2008 who are still waiting to go home. To be clear, they are true orphans living in an orphanage for the past 3 years...There is a big push underway as the plight of these children is getting attention. Would you pray and ask God to liberate these children so they can grow up in loving families? This touches my heart because we had quite a struggle getting our son home as the Vietnam program closed. It makes me just cry to think our Zeke could still be in an orphanage. God intervened in supernatural ways in our case. I know God will do it again because it's not His will that these children suffer.
You can put some feet to your prayers by sending a letter to President Obama, your US Senators and your Congressman/ woman. There is a suggested letter but you can add in your own thoughts, that you, for example, care about this issue because you're an adoptive parent (or prospective adoptive parent). The site is here:
http://www.petition 2congress. com/4665/ bring-home- bac-lieu- orphans/
Finally, please spread the word through Facebook/Twitter on behalf of these children. We have to stand up for the fatherless and this is one way to do it.
I recently found out that there are 16 Vietnamese kids who were referred to US families in 2008 who are still waiting to go home. To be clear, they are true orphans living in an orphanage for the past 3 years...There is a big push underway as the plight of these children is getting attention. Would you pray and ask God to liberate these children so they can grow up in loving families? This touches my heart because we had quite a struggle getting our son home as the Vietnam program closed. It makes me just cry to think our Zeke could still be in an orphanage. God intervened in supernatural ways in our case. I know God will do it again because it's not His will that these children suffer.
You can put some feet to your prayers by sending a letter to President Obama, your US Senators and your Congressman/ woman. There is a suggested letter but you can add in your own thoughts, that you, for example, care about this issue because you're an adoptive parent (or prospective adoptive parent). The site is here:
http://www.petition 2congress. com/4665/ bring-home- bac-lieu- orphans/
Finally, please spread the word through Facebook/Twitter on behalf of these children. We have to stand up for the fatherless and this is one way to do it.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Celebration and Information
Today is our 5th anniversary! I can't believe it has already been 5 years, this time has flown by and even with all of the trials we have gone through- I wouldn't change a single thing. There is a song with the refrain "God gave me you for the ups and downs" and every time I hear it I smile and thank God for giving me such an incredible man to share my life with. He amazes me every day and always makes me want to be a better person. I love his sense of humor and his strong sense of self. I love who I am with him :)
Tomorrow is Ryan's wedding. I can't believe my little brother is getting married. Those of you that have younger siblings totally get what I mean. Those of that don't are going "isn't he only 2 years younger than you?" I am so happy for him and could not have imagined a better girl for him! Kelly is wonderful and I love how happy they make each other. Wishing them all the happiness in the world as they embark on this next step. I also think it's kind of cool our anniversaries are almost the same :)
Enough of the mushy... over the past 2 days we've gotten a little more information about what is going on in Ethiopia. We are a part of a yahoo group that is all families that are in various stages of adopting through AWAA in Ethiopia and some of the families that have recently traveled have been able to share some insight. If you remember a few months ago, they appointed a new director of MOWYCA (the agency in charge of all adoptions in Ethiopia) when they discovered things weren't going well. That was when they changed to doing only 5 referrals a day. Well apparently they didn't do such a hot job of selecting a new director. From what the families that are over there have written, she is, get this, NOT AN ADVOCATE FOR ADOPTION. Really??? When you travel to Ethiopia the first time you go to court and petition for the adoption. The judge reviews your dossier and makes sure everything is in order. Then he reviews the child's paperwork making sure that it is all correct and nothing seems fishy. Then he reads over the MOWYCA letter that states they have matched that child to your family. Well, in the past few months we kept seeing family after family not pass court because the letter from MOWYCA wasn't there. So these families are in Ethiopia and have done everything they are supposed to do but the director isn't getting the letter to the judge. Now remember, the families don't travel to Ethiopia unless the referral has been made so it's not like the director is caught off guard. There are, on average, 2-3 months between when you are notified that they have matched you with a child and when you are given a court date and you travel over there.
Please pray for this director's heart to be softened for the orphans that are waiting to meet their forever families and for the families that are traveling now to have faith and know that everything is happening in God's timing. I can't even imagine how frustrating it would be to travel all the way over there and then find someone has not done their job! As for me, I keep repeating in my head "God's will be done" to help me keep perspective when I get frustrated with this process. Thankfully, that doesn't happen very often :) Love you all!
Tomorrow is Ryan's wedding. I can't believe my little brother is getting married. Those of you that have younger siblings totally get what I mean. Those of that don't are going "isn't he only 2 years younger than you?" I am so happy for him and could not have imagined a better girl for him! Kelly is wonderful and I love how happy they make each other. Wishing them all the happiness in the world as they embark on this next step. I also think it's kind of cool our anniversaries are almost the same :)
Enough of the mushy... over the past 2 days we've gotten a little more information about what is going on in Ethiopia. We are a part of a yahoo group that is all families that are in various stages of adopting through AWAA in Ethiopia and some of the families that have recently traveled have been able to share some insight. If you remember a few months ago, they appointed a new director of MOWYCA (the agency in charge of all adoptions in Ethiopia) when they discovered things weren't going well. That was when they changed to doing only 5 referrals a day. Well apparently they didn't do such a hot job of selecting a new director. From what the families that are over there have written, she is, get this, NOT AN ADVOCATE FOR ADOPTION. Really??? When you travel to Ethiopia the first time you go to court and petition for the adoption. The judge reviews your dossier and makes sure everything is in order. Then he reviews the child's paperwork making sure that it is all correct and nothing seems fishy. Then he reads over the MOWYCA letter that states they have matched that child to your family. Well, in the past few months we kept seeing family after family not pass court because the letter from MOWYCA wasn't there. So these families are in Ethiopia and have done everything they are supposed to do but the director isn't getting the letter to the judge. Now remember, the families don't travel to Ethiopia unless the referral has been made so it's not like the director is caught off guard. There are, on average, 2-3 months between when you are notified that they have matched you with a child and when you are given a court date and you travel over there.
Please pray for this director's heart to be softened for the orphans that are waiting to meet their forever families and for the families that are traveling now to have faith and know that everything is happening in God's timing. I can't even imagine how frustrating it would be to travel all the way over there and then find someone has not done their job! As for me, I keep repeating in my head "God's will be done" to help me keep perspective when I get frustrated with this process. Thankfully, that doesn't happen very often :) Love you all!
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Somewhere Around #50...
So we are officially on the list- yay! We are somewhere around #50. If I understand everything correctly, it's kind of a guesstimate because AWAA has the offical list and doesn't let it out. I can see why it would be necessary to keep it private but... I would still love to know where we are!
As I wrote before, we had a conference call 3 days before we got our DTE and the news wasn't good. When we were told our wait time would be increased to only a year they were saying that the MOWYCA wouldn't really be processing only 5 referrals a day, that that was WORST CASE SCENARIO. Well, guess what. They really are only processing 5 referrals a day. So I'm guessing you just did some math in your head and said, oh! Well, 50 divided by 5 is 10. But, that's not how it works. That's just #50 on the infant boy list. There is a girl list, an older children list, a siblings list, etc. They have decided to allow concurrent pregnancies and/or adoptions Their only requirement is that there is at least 12 months between that child and when you bring home your Ethiopian child. To give you some perspective on what this means... They allow concurrent family building in other programs too. For example, China because it has a wait time of 4 years. Yep, that's right, we are looking at years again for our wait time. So I have spent the last 2 weeks talking God's ear off, asking Him to put a blazingly obvious sign in front of me showing how I'm supposed to use this time. So far, He hasn't shared His plan with me. Sometimes I wish we had the ability to earmark prayers with "High Importance" like I can at work. I know He'll show me what He's got cooking when I'm supposed to see it, but my human patience is just wearing thin. Thankfully, Togo stuff is starting next week and that was the only thing that I've experienced so far that really does help me to gain perspective and it really keeps my faith strong. And God has, very wisely, given me a man to share my life with that always helps me to stay strong. I hate to tell you this ladies, but I really do have the best husband ever.
I haven't written in forever but I have a LOT to share that Justin and I have been up to lately so I promise it won't be months between posts again :)
As I wrote before, we had a conference call 3 days before we got our DTE and the news wasn't good. When we were told our wait time would be increased to only a year they were saying that the MOWYCA wouldn't really be processing only 5 referrals a day, that that was WORST CASE SCENARIO. Well, guess what. They really are only processing 5 referrals a day. So I'm guessing you just did some math in your head and said, oh! Well, 50 divided by 5 is 10. But, that's not how it works. That's just #50 on the infant boy list. There is a girl list, an older children list, a siblings list, etc. They have decided to allow concurrent pregnancies and/or adoptions Their only requirement is that there is at least 12 months between that child and when you bring home your Ethiopian child. To give you some perspective on what this means... They allow concurrent family building in other programs too. For example, China because it has a wait time of 4 years. Yep, that's right, we are looking at years again for our wait time. So I have spent the last 2 weeks talking God's ear off, asking Him to put a blazingly obvious sign in front of me showing how I'm supposed to use this time. So far, He hasn't shared His plan with me. Sometimes I wish we had the ability to earmark prayers with "High Importance" like I can at work. I know He'll show me what He's got cooking when I'm supposed to see it, but my human patience is just wearing thin. Thankfully, Togo stuff is starting next week and that was the only thing that I've experienced so far that really does help me to gain perspective and it really keeps my faith strong. And God has, very wisely, given me a man to share my life with that always helps me to stay strong. I hate to tell you this ladies, but I really do have the best husband ever.
I haven't written in forever but I have a LOT to share that Justin and I have been up to lately so I promise it won't be months between posts again :)
Monday, May 16, 2011
One Step Closer...
I know I haven't written in forever and this blog is going to be extremely short. Just one quick announcement:
We mailed off our dossier today!!!
I'll write more this weekend. We have another conference call tomorrow afternoon with a status update on the reduction of referrals so I want to make sure I share what they have to say. Please continue to pray!!
Love,
Rachel
We mailed off our dossier today!!!
I'll write more this weekend. We have another conference call tomorrow afternoon with a status update on the reduction of referrals so I want to make sure I share what they have to say. Please continue to pray!!
Love,
Rachel
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Feeling Selfish
So I haven't posted in awhile... in all honesty I was hoping to be able to make the next post all about how they have resolved everything in Ethiopia and we were back on track. Not going to happen. Since finding out more about the changes in the number of referrals (cutting back by 90%) I have been able to stay strong and faithful and haven't really had any issues. Everyones reactions have been "I'm so sorry!" and to be honest, my thoughts were "For what? We knew there would be delays, this is no big deal, they'll get it resolved." After listening to a conference call held by our adoption agency, here's how I've been feeling the past 2 days...
I know that everything happens in God's timing and that there is a reason in His plan for all of this but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to feel so close and then realize how far. I'm kind of stuck in an "it's not fair" mindset. More than anything, I want what is best for the children of Ethiopia. I never want them to be improperly placed. I'm just so frustrated that because someone wasn't doing things the right way all of the families are having to suffer. After waiting for almost 4 1/2 years to be a mom, I was so excited. I had allowed myself to start looking at baby stuff, thinking about our registry. People had started to buy us little gifts. I was planning next school year with the thoughts "what will that mean for our child? how will that affect me as a mom?" at the forefront of my decisions. This is going to sound weird but my arms used to literally ache with emptiness as we dealt with our infertility issues. That was gone, I hadn't experienced it since getting involved in Togo and having the life breathed back into me through strengthened faith. These past 2 days, that ache is back. My faith is still strong but the thought of having to wait years, breaks my heart. I've reverted back to how I was feeling a year ago, crying as I leave baby showers (of course, there was one today) and feeling pain in my heart whenever I see babies or pregnant bellies. We are trying to get answers as we get ready to submit our dossier (the celebration of that being totally done doesn't even seem to matter right now) but basically all we keep hearing is "we don't know yet." I know that things move slower over there than they do here and that right now, no matter how fast they move it doesn't seem fast enough. I know that everything happens in God's time and there is nothing I can do to speed that up. I know that His plan is what is best for us. I know that making the process more efficient, effective, and safe for the children of Ethiopia is what is needed. I know that there are couples that wait even longer than we have and will wait. I'm feeling selfish. I'm sick of waiting. I'm sick of having NO control over this when it is so easy for others. I'm sick of hurting.
We have a scheduled conference call with our family coordinator this week. We are hoping she will be reassuring and that she'll be able to answer some of our questions. I could write for another 3 hours about all of the frustrations I've had at people's responses to this crisis (IE.- getting asked "why don't you just switch and do domestic?") but I won't- that would open up all kinds of issues! I will post again soon with more details on why things have slowed down and what exactly is going on. The bottom line- they don't know how long the wait will be, they don't know what it will mean for us yet, but they are hopeful and still believe in the Ethiopia program. Please pray for MOWCYA (the organization in Ethiopia that matches children with families) and their government to have the wisdom to make decisions in the best interest of the children, the workers at AWAA to be able to assist all the families that are struggling with what to do, for the families that are dealing with the unknown, and for Justin and I to have clarity about what He wants us to do.
Love you all,
I know that everything happens in God's timing and that there is a reason in His plan for all of this but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to feel so close and then realize how far. I'm kind of stuck in an "it's not fair" mindset. More than anything, I want what is best for the children of Ethiopia. I never want them to be improperly placed. I'm just so frustrated that because someone wasn't doing things the right way all of the families are having to suffer. After waiting for almost 4 1/2 years to be a mom, I was so excited. I had allowed myself to start looking at baby stuff, thinking about our registry. People had started to buy us little gifts. I was planning next school year with the thoughts "what will that mean for our child? how will that affect me as a mom?" at the forefront of my decisions. This is going to sound weird but my arms used to literally ache with emptiness as we dealt with our infertility issues. That was gone, I hadn't experienced it since getting involved in Togo and having the life breathed back into me through strengthened faith. These past 2 days, that ache is back. My faith is still strong but the thought of having to wait years, breaks my heart. I've reverted back to how I was feeling a year ago, crying as I leave baby showers (of course, there was one today) and feeling pain in my heart whenever I see babies or pregnant bellies. We are trying to get answers as we get ready to submit our dossier (the celebration of that being totally done doesn't even seem to matter right now) but basically all we keep hearing is "we don't know yet." I know that things move slower over there than they do here and that right now, no matter how fast they move it doesn't seem fast enough. I know that everything happens in God's time and there is nothing I can do to speed that up. I know that His plan is what is best for us. I know that making the process more efficient, effective, and safe for the children of Ethiopia is what is needed. I know that there are couples that wait even longer than we have and will wait. I'm feeling selfish. I'm sick of waiting. I'm sick of having NO control over this when it is so easy for others. I'm sick of hurting.
We have a scheduled conference call with our family coordinator this week. We are hoping she will be reassuring and that she'll be able to answer some of our questions. I could write for another 3 hours about all of the frustrations I've had at people's responses to this crisis (IE.- getting asked "why don't you just switch and do domestic?") but I won't- that would open up all kinds of issues! I will post again soon with more details on why things have slowed down and what exactly is going on. The bottom line- they don't know how long the wait will be, they don't know what it will mean for us yet, but they are hopeful and still believe in the Ethiopia program. Please pray for MOWCYA (the organization in Ethiopia that matches children with families) and their government to have the wisdom to make decisions in the best interest of the children, the workers at AWAA to be able to assist all the families that are struggling with what to do, for the families that are dealing with the unknown, and for Justin and I to have clarity about what He wants us to do.
Love you all,
Rachel
Friday, March 18, 2011
2 Posts in One Week?? Whoa!
Sorry I forgot to post those links that I mentioned on my last post... Here they are Jessie :)
Sign the Petition to Restore the Number of Referrals
State Department Announcement
We received an update from our FC. Things sound good so I thought I would share it with you. Thank you so much for all of your words of support and encouragement! Here's what Lauren (our family coordinator) has to say:
"We are writing to update you on the current situation in Ethiopia. While meetings between Ethiopian government officials continue, we have seen positive steps. Within MOWA, there have been significant and positive personnel changes which have resulted in overall staff turnover and changes in the adoption unit. This unit is now called the Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA). We are hopeful and expectant that the new leadership will not only support processing an adequate number of favorable recommendation letters, but also implement policies that will best serve the children. Due to the staffing changes, we anticipate much transition over the next few weeks. However, we expect that once everyone is settled into their new positions, MOWCYA will work to process a higher number of recommendation letters than they currently are able to process.
We have continued to receive optimistic feedback and have seen how the Ethiopian government is very committed to adoption. I hope this information is an encouragement to your family. We will continue to update your family with any confirmed information we receive."
Keep those prayers coming!!
Love,
Rachel
Sign the Petition to Restore the Number of Referrals
State Department Announcement
We received an update from our FC. Things sound good so I thought I would share it with you. Thank you so much for all of your words of support and encouragement! Here's what Lauren (our family coordinator) has to say:
"We are writing to update you on the current situation in Ethiopia. While meetings between Ethiopian government officials continue, we have seen positive steps. Within MOWA, there have been significant and positive personnel changes which have resulted in overall staff turnover and changes in the adoption unit. This unit is now called the Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA). We are hopeful and expectant that the new leadership will not only support processing an adequate number of favorable recommendation letters, but also implement policies that will best serve the children. Due to the staffing changes, we anticipate much transition over the next few weeks. However, we expect that once everyone is settled into their new positions, MOWCYA will work to process a higher number of recommendation letters than they currently are able to process.
We have continued to receive optimistic feedback and have seen how the Ethiopian government is very committed to adoption. I hope this information is an encouragement to your family. We will continue to update your family with any confirmed information we receive."
Keep those prayers coming!!
Love,
Rachel
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
I need to post this verse ALL over our house right now. In case you haven't received a phone call, text, email, or fb message from me- this week has not brought good news. Well, I guess that's wrong to say- it's news that tests our faith. Last week Ethiopia announced they are going to reduce the number of referrals (ie- matches with parents). Reduce seems like such a simple word that doesn't match what is happening. They are reducing by 90%. So instead of matching 50 families per day they will match 5. I know that still sounds decent, 5 per day, but you have to remember there are families and agencies all over the world (we're talking thousands of families) getting on "the list" every day. So rather than looking at a 6-8 month wait, like we were thinking, our wait could be stretched to years. That means our homestudy would have to be updated yearly but also we would have LOTS of time to make sure we have saved every penny we think we'll need and paid off a few things. These changes went into effect on March 10 of this year. Last we were told, agencies and the US Embassy are trying to work things out. Apparently there have been issues with corrupt systems and so they want to be more thorough (definitely can't blame them for that!). They are concerned that not every option is being exhausted to keep the children in the country before they are being adopted out to other places.
We know all things will happen when God's plan says they will but it's hard to set aside our own expectations and feelings. Maybe this is happening so I can continue to go to Togo with Justin? Maybe this is happening because the child we would have been matched with had a disability we would not have been able to afford to treat? Maybe we are supposed to look at other avenues? At this point all I can do is throw my hands up and say "He knows" and be forced to learn to let go of control of things. I put a link below that goes to a petition if you want to sign it and another link that goes to the State Dept's announcements for what's going on in Ethiopia (Jessie- set a limit for yourself so you don't spend all day going from site to site! :) ). Please pray for the children of Ethiopia and that the government will have the wisdom to do what is best for them, no matter what that timeline means for us.
I need to post this verse ALL over our house right now. In case you haven't received a phone call, text, email, or fb message from me- this week has not brought good news. Well, I guess that's wrong to say- it's news that tests our faith. Last week Ethiopia announced they are going to reduce the number of referrals (ie- matches with parents). Reduce seems like such a simple word that doesn't match what is happening. They are reducing by 90%. So instead of matching 50 families per day they will match 5. I know that still sounds decent, 5 per day, but you have to remember there are families and agencies all over the world (we're talking thousands of families) getting on "the list" every day. So rather than looking at a 6-8 month wait, like we were thinking, our wait could be stretched to years. That means our homestudy would have to be updated yearly but also we would have LOTS of time to make sure we have saved every penny we think we'll need and paid off a few things. These changes went into effect on March 10 of this year. Last we were told, agencies and the US Embassy are trying to work things out. Apparently there have been issues with corrupt systems and so they want to be more thorough (definitely can't blame them for that!). They are concerned that not every option is being exhausted to keep the children in the country before they are being adopted out to other places.
We know all things will happen when God's plan says they will but it's hard to set aside our own expectations and feelings. Maybe this is happening so I can continue to go to Togo with Justin? Maybe this is happening because the child we would have been matched with had a disability we would not have been able to afford to treat? Maybe we are supposed to look at other avenues? At this point all I can do is throw my hands up and say "He knows" and be forced to learn to let go of control of things. I put a link below that goes to a petition if you want to sign it and another link that goes to the State Dept's announcements for what's going on in Ethiopia (Jessie- set a limit for yourself so you don't spend all day going from site to site! :) ). Please pray for the children of Ethiopia and that the government will have the wisdom to do what is best for them, no matter what that timeline means for us.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Thank you, Immigration office.
Don't you just love how quickly & efficiently our government offices process paperwork? We submitted our homestudy to the immigration office back mid January. By January 24th we received a letter stating that we had forgotten to send in payment to get our fingerprints done (which, by the way, we had done a year ago but they don't count). So, wanting to get this process done as fast as possible, we quickly go to Publix, get a money order (because that's the only thing they accept), and send it off. By February 4th we have received a receipt. Pretty impressive, right? This week Justin got a voicemail left by a lady from immigration asking if we are going to send our payment in because our time window to submit the payment is up. Um, what? Finally after playing phone tag for 3 days, he is able to talk with her. " Immigration lady: No, Mr. V we don't have record of any payment." Justin: "I'm looking at a receipt that your office sent me, it is dated 2/4 and it states we have paid everything in full and we are just waiting on your office to send us an appointment time to get our fingerprints done." Immigration lady: "You have a receipt from our office? Can you fax me a copy of it? I have no record of any payment. Receipts are done by another person in our office and it was not updated in our office." Awesome. Did I mention that as soon as they find something missing they stop looking at your homestudy until they receive it? So our homestudy has been sitting there for the past month with no one looking at it.
Oh, and then 30 minutes later we got an email from our family coordinator at AWAA saying she is leaving AWAA and taking another job in Florida. While we are happy for her, she is the one that has given preliminary approval for all of our dossier documents and as soon as immigration finishes, our family coordinator will look everything over and give the final stamp of approval for the completed dossier. Now that she is leaving, that's a completely different person instead of one person who's already seen everything. I wish our AWAA FC the best and hope she and her family are very happy in the next phase in their lives. I just wish she was leaving AFTER our DTE instead of before, selfish I know.
I know patience is necessary and God never promised any of this would be easy. It's just so frustrating when people (ie. the immigration office) don't do their jobs correctly. I mean really? Because someone didn't do an interoffice mailing of the receipt our homestudy review is going to take an extra month??? Hopefully we'll have Little E by 2012...
Oh, and then 30 minutes later we got an email from our family coordinator at AWAA saying she is leaving AWAA and taking another job in Florida. While we are happy for her, she is the one that has given preliminary approval for all of our dossier documents and as soon as immigration finishes, our family coordinator will look everything over and give the final stamp of approval for the completed dossier. Now that she is leaving, that's a completely different person instead of one person who's already seen everything. I wish our AWAA FC the best and hope she and her family are very happy in the next phase in their lives. I just wish she was leaving AFTER our DTE instead of before, selfish I know.
I know patience is necessary and God never promised any of this would be easy. It's just so frustrating when people (ie. the immigration office) don't do their jobs correctly. I mean really? Because someone didn't do an interoffice mailing of the receipt our homestudy review is going to take an extra month??? Hopefully we'll have Little E by 2012...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
More Waiting...
Found this story from Adoptive Families & thought you all might find it interesting.... In case you are wondering, I spend most of my time bouncing back and forth between 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 9, 12, 13, 14, 15, and 17. One stage I have remained in this entire time is #16. I am amazed every day by the people that are in our lives & that have come into our lives and their unending support they offer us. God has blessed us more than I could have ever imagined & I say prayers of thanks to everyone that has helped us on our journey. It literally brings tears to my eyes whenever I think about all of the amazing people in our lives praying & cheering for us. Thank you!!
The Stages of Waiting
Are all the bewildering ups and downs I've experienced during our wait typical of the international adoption process?
by Julie Corby
Fifteen months ago my husband and I filled out an application to adopt siblings from Ethiopia. Are you familiar with the Elisabeth Kübler-Ross model for the stages of grief? It consists of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I feel like the waiting process during our adoption has taken me through similar distinct stages. While it may be true that the only thing that Dr. Kübler-Ross and I have in common is that she was a psychiatrist and I need a psychiatrist, I believe that these "Stages of Waiting" do, in fact, exist.
Stage 1 >> Relief. My husband and I have finally landed on the same page regarding our family building. We agree on the country. We agree on the agency. We agree to the expense.
Stage 2 >> Joy. There is a light at the end of a long, nine-year tunnel. I've become a member of a club that has, up until now, excluded me. I have a spring in my step. I can walk by a playground without weeping. I can talk about preschool. I'm childproof. I tell everyone I know about our plans.
Stage 3 >> The win/win-naiveté-Melissa Fay Greene Stage. I read There Is No Me Without You. I think, not only am I helping myself, I am helping Africa. We want kids, and millions of orphans need families. It is a win/win situation.
Stage 4 >> Ethical questioning. Many Ethiopian children placed for adoption are not actually orphans. In fact, a lot of them have parents, as well as siblings. They are relinquished because their family cannot afford to feed them. This is when I start wrestling a lot: "If I really cared about Ethiopia, I would take these thousands of dollars we're paying in adoption fees and donate them to an organization that would do everything it could to preserve this family."
Stage 5 >> I am a selfish jerk. My white, privileged need to have a family is much stronger than my need to help Ethiopia. My mothering hormones are not going to be dissipated by my concern for struggling Africans. I am a jerk.
Stage 6 >> Bargaining. I am a selfish jerk, but I agree to change my need. This is when I announce to my husband one morning, "I think that we should adopt a 12-year-old from Ethiopia, instead. We will make sure that she is a true orphan, an only child, and HIV-positive. We have good health insurance." (At this point I think my husband, who likes more than anything to make a decision and stick with it, is starting to wonder why he ever married me in the first place.)
Stage 7 >> Outrage. Why doesn't everyone know how bad things are around the world? Why aren't people doing more? Unfortunately, this outrage turns into self-righteousness and a judgmental attitude, which send me spiraling back to...
Stage 8 >> Guilt. I feel guilty for judging, guilty for adopting, guilty for eating. You name it, I feel guilty.
Stage 9 >> Resolve. I will do something. I will raise awareness. I will start a project that will help. I will make a difference.
Stage 10 >> Renewed optimism. It's OK. We will move forward. I'll call our agency and write the check for the third payment they requested. I will continue to read about parenting. I will do my best to be a mother to these two children.
Stage 11 >> Doubt in the adoption. Are we doing the right thing? Our agency has worked in Ethiopia for a long time, and I am fairly confident that they operate in an ethical manner. But really, how would I know? I do know that the program has changed dramatically in the past year, because so many more people are choosing Ethiopia.
Stage 12 >> Doubt in myself. Am I too (insert any of these adjectives here: old, dejected, cynical, impatient, selfish) to adopt?
Stage 13 >> Doubt that it will ever happen. We know several couples who applied after we did who have already received their referrals, have traveled, and are now happily ensconced with their new families. Is this just one more thing that works out for everyone except us? I have days when I believe that we will never get to adopt. This feels precarious, and reminds me of a feeling I've had before. Our four pregnancies didn't work out, so why did I think this would? (This stage also involves envy, but envy is so yucky, let's not give it its own stage.)
Stage 14 >> Disillusionment. This is when all of your warm and fuzzy feelings about adoption don't feel warm and fuzzy anymore. They feel messy and worrisome.
Stage 15 >> Exhilaration. A couple of weeks ago, I was at home with my husband and our dogs. All of the sudden, I thought, "This is going to happen! We are going to be parents! There will be children here, in our house, SOON!" I grinned like an idiot. This stage lasted exactly 90 minutes.
Stage 16 >> Unexpected, renewed faith in humanity. Where have you people been all my life? There is something special about the adoption community. It takes someone with a big heart, I think, and at least some sense of adventure, to adopt. I am so grateful to have met so many incredible people on this journey. I mean it.
Stage 17 >> Joyful, Uneasy anticipation. The uneasiness may disappear when we get our referral, but maybe it is important to always feel uneasy. Being a prospective adoptive parent is complicated. Obviously, the people who are really going through something are the birth families and the children. Their losses are much more difficult and devastating. If I am lucky enough to become a parent, I must continue to question. I will do my best to remain observant, to monitor agencies' activities and message boards, to help those who come after me, and to help those who are left behind.
The feelings of joy and anticipation are substantially less complicated. In January 2008, our social worker let us know we were Waiting Family #103. Today, we are Waiting Family #3. We want this more than anything. I can't wait to see my husband be a father. I can't wait for my parents to meet their grandchildren. I can't wait to sing someone to sleep, to make someone laugh, and to bandage a skinned knee. We are ready for our joyful, uneasy, happy ending.
Julie Corby is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. She and her husband will leave this month to adopt their children in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. (Yep, Stage 18. Euphoria! The phone rings, and everything changes.) Follow Julie's story at theeyesofmyeyesareopened.blogspot.com
The Stages of Waiting
Are all the bewildering ups and downs I've experienced during our wait typical of the international adoption process?
by Julie Corby
Fifteen months ago my husband and I filled out an application to adopt siblings from Ethiopia. Are you familiar with the Elisabeth Kübler-Ross model for the stages of grief? It consists of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I feel like the waiting process during our adoption has taken me through similar distinct stages. While it may be true that the only thing that Dr. Kübler-Ross and I have in common is that she was a psychiatrist and I need a psychiatrist, I believe that these "Stages of Waiting" do, in fact, exist.
Stage 1 >> Relief. My husband and I have finally landed on the same page regarding our family building. We agree on the country. We agree on the agency. We agree to the expense.
Stage 2 >> Joy. There is a light at the end of a long, nine-year tunnel. I've become a member of a club that has, up until now, excluded me. I have a spring in my step. I can walk by a playground without weeping. I can talk about preschool. I'm childproof. I tell everyone I know about our plans.
Stage 3 >> The win/win-naiveté-Melissa Fay Greene Stage. I read There Is No Me Without You. I think, not only am I helping myself, I am helping Africa. We want kids, and millions of orphans need families. It is a win/win situation.
Stage 4 >> Ethical questioning. Many Ethiopian children placed for adoption are not actually orphans. In fact, a lot of them have parents, as well as siblings. They are relinquished because their family cannot afford to feed them. This is when I start wrestling a lot: "If I really cared about Ethiopia, I would take these thousands of dollars we're paying in adoption fees and donate them to an organization that would do everything it could to preserve this family."
Stage 5 >> I am a selfish jerk. My white, privileged need to have a family is much stronger than my need to help Ethiopia. My mothering hormones are not going to be dissipated by my concern for struggling Africans. I am a jerk.
Stage 6 >> Bargaining. I am a selfish jerk, but I agree to change my need. This is when I announce to my husband one morning, "I think that we should adopt a 12-year-old from Ethiopia, instead. We will make sure that she is a true orphan, an only child, and HIV-positive. We have good health insurance." (At this point I think my husband, who likes more than anything to make a decision and stick with it, is starting to wonder why he ever married me in the first place.)
Stage 7 >> Outrage. Why doesn't everyone know how bad things are around the world? Why aren't people doing more? Unfortunately, this outrage turns into self-righteousness and a judgmental attitude, which send me spiraling back to...
Stage 8 >> Guilt. I feel guilty for judging, guilty for adopting, guilty for eating. You name it, I feel guilty.
Stage 9 >> Resolve. I will do something. I will raise awareness. I will start a project that will help. I will make a difference.
Stage 10 >> Renewed optimism. It's OK. We will move forward. I'll call our agency and write the check for the third payment they requested. I will continue to read about parenting. I will do my best to be a mother to these two children.
Stage 11 >> Doubt in the adoption. Are we doing the right thing? Our agency has worked in Ethiopia for a long time, and I am fairly confident that they operate in an ethical manner. But really, how would I know? I do know that the program has changed dramatically in the past year, because so many more people are choosing Ethiopia.
Stage 12 >> Doubt in myself. Am I too (insert any of these adjectives here: old, dejected, cynical, impatient, selfish) to adopt?
Stage 13 >> Doubt that it will ever happen. We know several couples who applied after we did who have already received their referrals, have traveled, and are now happily ensconced with their new families. Is this just one more thing that works out for everyone except us? I have days when I believe that we will never get to adopt. This feels precarious, and reminds me of a feeling I've had before. Our four pregnancies didn't work out, so why did I think this would? (This stage also involves envy, but envy is so yucky, let's not give it its own stage.)
Stage 14 >> Disillusionment. This is when all of your warm and fuzzy feelings about adoption don't feel warm and fuzzy anymore. They feel messy and worrisome.
Stage 15 >> Exhilaration. A couple of weeks ago, I was at home with my husband and our dogs. All of the sudden, I thought, "This is going to happen! We are going to be parents! There will be children here, in our house, SOON!" I grinned like an idiot. This stage lasted exactly 90 minutes.
Stage 16 >> Unexpected, renewed faith in humanity. Where have you people been all my life? There is something special about the adoption community. It takes someone with a big heart, I think, and at least some sense of adventure, to adopt. I am so grateful to have met so many incredible people on this journey. I mean it.
Stage 17 >> Joyful, Uneasy anticipation. The uneasiness may disappear when we get our referral, but maybe it is important to always feel uneasy. Being a prospective adoptive parent is complicated. Obviously, the people who are really going through something are the birth families and the children. Their losses are much more difficult and devastating. If I am lucky enough to become a parent, I must continue to question. I will do my best to remain observant, to monitor agencies' activities and message boards, to help those who come after me, and to help those who are left behind.
The feelings of joy and anticipation are substantially less complicated. In January 2008, our social worker let us know we were Waiting Family #103. Today, we are Waiting Family #3. We want this more than anything. I can't wait to see my husband be a father. I can't wait for my parents to meet their grandchildren. I can't wait to sing someone to sleep, to make someone laugh, and to bandage a skinned knee. We are ready for our joyful, uneasy, happy ending.
Julie Corby is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. She and her husband will leave this month to adopt their children in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. (Yep, Stage 18. Euphoria! The phone rings, and everything changes.) Follow Julie's story at theeyesofmyeyesareopened.blogspot.com
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Dear Will Power & Strength, Please stay strong!
Going into this process, I thought the hardest part (until we travel & have to leave him there, that is) was going to be going through the process of getting all of our documentation together. That feeling of being picked over with a fine tooth comb. I was wrong. Having things to do & documentation to gather helps you feel like part of the process is in your control. It makes you feel like you are working toward a goal. I mean, I know you are working towards getting everything put together but with this, unlike most tasks, when you are finished gathering all of the necessary components you are just at the beginning of the wait. We have everything and we are just waiting for government agencies to finish saying "yes, you are approved" and then we enter into another time of waiting.We can't use this time to prepare the house or nursery because we have no idea how old or how big he will be when we bring him home. We are cutting corners & saving every penny we can so that we may be able to avoid taking out a loan but that is hard to do when all we want to do is stay busy so we can keep our minds off of how long we still have to wait! When I heard 4-6 months, my thoughts were "Oh! That's not that bad at all! That's even less than a pregnancy!" They failed to mention the 7 or 8 months you have to add to that for the application, home study, gathering of documents, and government approval of the homestudy. Don't get me wrong, we are still incredibly excited at bringing Little E home; however, it is hard to keep excitement as your main feeling with frustration, impatience, costs, and feeling "stuck" creeping in and trying to take over. Fortunately, we have been having our moments of weakness or frustration at opposite times and so we have been able to support each other. I pray that it continues that way so that we can help each other focus on the long term goal.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Here's to Hoping Time Continues to Fly By...
Can you believe it is already going to be February tomorrow? I guess time really does speed up as you get older- hopefully that will remain true over these next few months! We are still waiting for USCIS (I think that's the correct acronym, there are so many!) office to finish with our homestudy and we have to go get fingerprinted. We are absolutely thrilled to be done with the paperwork and yet, feel more helpless because we have no say in how fast or slow things get done. One thing we have been working on is saving money for plane tickets and international fees. Justin found a fundraiser for us and it is wonderful! We make too much money for grants but not enough to be able to pay for everything out right and so we have been trying to find ways to fund the difference. The fundraiser is through a company called Just Love Coffee and it was started by a man that adopted from Ethiopia and saw how hard it is for families! It's a great organization that doesn't require us to pay them to do the fundraiser (a rare thing!). It is difficult for us to ask our friends to do things like this for us and we hope you know that you have absolutely no pressure to purchase anything. One HUGE help for us would be to spread the word about what we are doing! I included a short summary paragraph below this so that you can easily copy and paste that and the link into an email, facebook message, or whatever to help make it simple. Please take some time to look at the site and decide if you want to purchase anything. Even if you can't or don't want to order anything, please send it out to all your friends! Love you all!
Hello friends! My husband, Justin, and I are currently working our way through the paperwork to adopt our first child, a little boy from Ethiopia. We have had the interviews, the physicals, the background checks, the home inspections, and gotten referrals. Our last couple of steps including waiting to be matched with our soon-to-be son and being able to go and get him! Ethiopia's laws require us to travel over to the country twice to be able to finalize the adoption and airfare is not cheap. We found another adoptive family that began a company for the purpose of helping families like ours realize our dreams of having children through the sale of coffee. You may know that one of Ethiopia's main exports is coffee! All of the products through this site are obtained through fair-trade organizations (meaning everyone gets paid for the work they do!) and all the profits go to a family like ours or Ethiopian orphanages. To help us reach our goal, you can go to our sponsored page, pick out some coffee for a friend or yourself, and the company takes care of the rest! Anything you order is shipped directly where you want it. Please take some time and look at the products and either purchase something or tell your friends about it. We are so excited God has chosen us for this journey and can't wait to look into the eyes of our son. Thank you for any and all help at getting us one step closer! God Bless!
Here is the link for the funds to go to our family:
https://www.justlovecoffee.com/vandammes
Hello friends! My husband, Justin, and I are currently working our way through the paperwork to adopt our first child, a little boy from Ethiopia. We have had the interviews, the physicals, the background checks, the home inspections, and gotten referrals. Our last couple of steps including waiting to be matched with our soon-to-be son and being able to go and get him! Ethiopia's laws require us to travel over to the country twice to be able to finalize the adoption and airfare is not cheap. We found another adoptive family that began a company for the purpose of helping families like ours realize our dreams of having children through the sale of coffee. You may know that one of Ethiopia's main exports is coffee! All of the products through this site are obtained through fair-trade organizations (meaning everyone gets paid for the work they do!) and all the profits go to a family like ours or Ethiopian orphanages. To help us reach our goal, you can go to our sponsored page, pick out some coffee for a friend or yourself, and the company takes care of the rest! Anything you order is shipped directly where you want it. Please take some time and look at the products and either purchase something or tell your friends about it. We are so excited God has chosen us for this journey and can't wait to look into the eyes of our son. Thank you for any and all help at getting us one step closer! God Bless!
Here is the link for the funds to go to our family:
https://www.justlovecoffee.com/vandammes
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Learning About Our Child's Country
Sorry if you tried the link before, it's fixed now! :)
One thing Justin and I are trying to do during this wait time is learn a little more about the country our child is coming from. Ethiopia is a fascinating country and we want to make sure our son knows a little about where he came from. Although the video link below shows a hardship of the country, we thought it very interesting and that you all may be interested in it. Just click on the link (I promise it's safe, it's from the Today show). Thanks to Jessie's Amazon skills we've learned a lot about the orphanages and HIV epidemic in that country. :) Thanks Jes!!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/40839682#40839682
One thing Justin and I are trying to do during this wait time is learn a little more about the country our child is coming from. Ethiopia is a fascinating country and we want to make sure our son knows a little about where he came from. Although the video link below shows a hardship of the country, we thought it very interesting and that you all may be interested in it. Just click on the link (I promise it's safe, it's from the Today show). Thanks to Jessie's Amazon skills we've learned a lot about the orphanages and HIV epidemic in that country. :) Thanks Jes!!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/40839682#40839682
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Oops! My Bad...
So, I know as soon as my husband reads that title, he is going to shake his head at me and say, "really?" but I think it's appropriate :) I have been trying to figure out what to write since Christmas because what I want to say is deeply personal but it is what I have been thinking about with the ringing of the New Year. After careful consideration and prayer, I decided to go ahead and write what I'm feeling. If there is someone out there that is going through this and feels as though they are not alone because of it or if you are able to be there for someone after reading it, it is worth it. Please forgive me if this seems to jump around.
This holiday season I did a lot of reflection. I know it sounds incredibly sad to say that this New Year was the first time in a few years I have felt a true sense of hope but it's pretty much true. Justin and I decided to start trying for a family 4 years ago. After about a year, we realized it wasn't going to be as easy as we thought. To say last holiday season was difficult for me, is an understatement. We had gone through the treatments and experienced the loss of them not working and I could not help but see the 36 times we had felt let down since we decided to start trying staring me in the face. This year, as I reflected about how it was so different from before, I realized all of the things that infertility steals from a person and how putting my faith in God and allowing my heart to be open to a different type of picture allowed me to get them back. So here goes...
Infertility steals your ability to enjoy going anywhere. Everytime I left the house I felt like there were pregnant women and babies. It was as if all of the women around me were pregnant.
Infertility steals your ability to feel true joy for your friends. I remember counting the number of friends that were having babies. It felt like everytime I got online there were pictures of sonograms for facebook profile pictures, everytime I went to work or talked to a friend someone else was announcing they were pregnant. Although I was happy for them, it made me fall deeper into sadness which then made me mad because I knew I should just feel joy for them.
Infertility steals your friends. Your friends can sense that their news isn't going to be easy to hear and that makes them hesitant to tell you. You become the last to know because they don't know what to say. You are told "I don't know how to tell you this..." and that makes your heart hurt because you want your friends to want to tell you but at the same time you don't want to hear it.Even those friends that were struggling with getting pregnant themselves, once they become pregnant you feel like saying "there goes another one, am I really the only one dealing with this?" It can make you feel more alone than anything you can imagine. You also lose friends because they don't know what to say. Instead of feeling support, you feel abandoned but it is kind of like when a friend loses a husband or dear friend- you don't know if you should bring it up or not (I can't say what to do here, it is different for everyone and every friendship/relationship).
Infertility steals control over your body. You become hypersensitive to everything that happens and you read WAY too much into every little symptom. Badgering yourself until you make yourself feel crazy but you can't help it at the same time. I'm nauseous, I'm tired, I'm cranky, I'm emotional... you start to almost create symptoms for yourself, which in itself is a little crazy.
Infertility steals your ability to be logical- (see the paragraph above!!)
Infertility steals time. Your life is suddenly completely involved in counting days that have passed and instead of enjoying those days, your thoughts become consumed in when you'll know for that month.
Infertility can steal your relationship. Justin and I were blessed to sidestep this one but I can see how easily it can happen. One or both of you can become obsessed with the prospect of getting pregnant and suddenly everything in your lives is wrapped in that instead of focused on God and each other. A very scary thought to me when I think of how easily that could have happened.
Please don't use this entry as a reason to feel sorry for me. Through faith, prayer, great friends, and an amazing husband- I have overcome all of those emotions and habits and I feel more alive, hopeful, encouraged, and blessed than I have felt in a LONG time. Allowing myself to open my heart and my eyes to the plan God has for us and knowing that I am never alone through Him, is what ultimately led us to adoption. God has used this difficult time in our lives to strengthen our marriage, build our faith, and bring a child to America to be a part of our family. Please use this entry to be there for a friend or family member that may be going through this. Please use this entry to understand and have empathy for those that are still stuck in that roller coaster and to pray for them. 2011 is going to be an amazing year for Justin and I, whether our adoption is finalized or not (although we prefer it is :) ) because we have each other, we are free from the binds of infertility, and because we have opened ourselves up to be filled with God's spirit and purpose. Love you all!
This holiday season I did a lot of reflection. I know it sounds incredibly sad to say that this New Year was the first time in a few years I have felt a true sense of hope but it's pretty much true. Justin and I decided to start trying for a family 4 years ago. After about a year, we realized it wasn't going to be as easy as we thought. To say last holiday season was difficult for me, is an understatement. We had gone through the treatments and experienced the loss of them not working and I could not help but see the 36 times we had felt let down since we decided to start trying staring me in the face. This year, as I reflected about how it was so different from before, I realized all of the things that infertility steals from a person and how putting my faith in God and allowing my heart to be open to a different type of picture allowed me to get them back. So here goes...
Infertility steals your ability to enjoy going anywhere. Everytime I left the house I felt like there were pregnant women and babies. It was as if all of the women around me were pregnant.
Infertility steals your ability to feel true joy for your friends. I remember counting the number of friends that were having babies. It felt like everytime I got online there were pictures of sonograms for facebook profile pictures, everytime I went to work or talked to a friend someone else was announcing they were pregnant. Although I was happy for them, it made me fall deeper into sadness which then made me mad because I knew I should just feel joy for them.
Infertility steals your friends. Your friends can sense that their news isn't going to be easy to hear and that makes them hesitant to tell you. You become the last to know because they don't know what to say. You are told "I don't know how to tell you this..." and that makes your heart hurt because you want your friends to want to tell you but at the same time you don't want to hear it.Even those friends that were struggling with getting pregnant themselves, once they become pregnant you feel like saying "there goes another one, am I really the only one dealing with this?" It can make you feel more alone than anything you can imagine. You also lose friends because they don't know what to say. Instead of feeling support, you feel abandoned but it is kind of like when a friend loses a husband or dear friend- you don't know if you should bring it up or not (I can't say what to do here, it is different for everyone and every friendship/relationship).
Infertility steals control over your body. You become hypersensitive to everything that happens and you read WAY too much into every little symptom. Badgering yourself until you make yourself feel crazy but you can't help it at the same time. I'm nauseous, I'm tired, I'm cranky, I'm emotional... you start to almost create symptoms for yourself, which in itself is a little crazy.
Infertility steals your ability to be logical- (see the paragraph above!!)
Infertility steals time. Your life is suddenly completely involved in counting days that have passed and instead of enjoying those days, your thoughts become consumed in when you'll know for that month.
Infertility can steal your relationship. Justin and I were blessed to sidestep this one but I can see how easily it can happen. One or both of you can become obsessed with the prospect of getting pregnant and suddenly everything in your lives is wrapped in that instead of focused on God and each other. A very scary thought to me when I think of how easily that could have happened.
Please don't use this entry as a reason to feel sorry for me. Through faith, prayer, great friends, and an amazing husband- I have overcome all of those emotions and habits and I feel more alive, hopeful, encouraged, and blessed than I have felt in a LONG time. Allowing myself to open my heart and my eyes to the plan God has for us and knowing that I am never alone through Him, is what ultimately led us to adoption. God has used this difficult time in our lives to strengthen our marriage, build our faith, and bring a child to America to be a part of our family. Please use this entry to be there for a friend or family member that may be going through this. Please use this entry to understand and have empathy for those that are still stuck in that roller coaster and to pray for them. 2011 is going to be an amazing year for Justin and I, whether our adoption is finalized or not (although we prefer it is :) ) because we have each other, we are free from the binds of infertility, and because we have opened ourselves up to be filled with God's spirit and purpose. Love you all!
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