Choices, Choices

The school year has come to a close and that means more free time for me. These past few years that has been both a curse and a blessing. When I have that much time to think I have to focus on being positive, focusing on what I have instead of what I don't. Having wonderful friends and family helps with this. :) I also think preparing for our mission trip this fall will help.

Justin and I ordered a book to get us started with the adoption process and it has helped us understand some of our choices a little bit better. I have listed them below to help you all have a better understanding of the options.

Domestic Infant- This is the typical adoption most people think of here in the US. It would require us to create a scrapbook about ourselves and write "Dear Birth Mother" letters to be placed into a database of other wanting couples. Then birth mothers sort through them and decide who they want. The book says to prepare for at least one failed adoption, meaning we would go through everything and then the birth mother would change her mind. Meaning we would get our hearts broken. This option is not high on our list. I don't want to feel like we have to market ourselves though I am not opposed to putting it out there and also going forward with the other choices.

International- This option, obviously, means we would get a child from another country. We were really interested in getting a child from Togo (the country we are going to in the fall and where Justin traveled last fall) but each country has its own list of requirements and we don't meet theirs. To adopt a child from Togo, we would have to be 30. I find this requirement interesting considering the young age women in their own country have children... We are very interested in international adoption, however, the cost is a big deterrent for us. Most countries require you to travel to it more than once which requires time away from work and traveling expenses on top of the initial adoption costs. I also worry about how the child would be when we were finally able to take custody. The first few weeks of life are so critical for development and if he or she was laying in a crib, never being held I wonder what issues would arise later. On that note, does that make me a bad person for not wanting child that may have difficulties? As a Christian, shouldn't I want those children more because I have a chance to give them a better life?

Fost-Adopt- This program works with the US foster system. Through this program we would request only infants and we would only be given children that have little or no chance of being reunited with family or finding a family member that wants him or her. To me this means children such as "Safe Haven" babies or women that have given children in the past but I don't know exactly. In our book a women went through this program and had 2 babies that she thought she would be able to adopt but family members were found to take them before she finally was able to adopt the third baby that was placed with her. While I know giving back a baby we had cared for would be INCREDIBLY difficult, Justin and I are leaning toward this option. We know that we would be a key part in giving a child a happy, healthy start even if we had to give him or her up and that eventually we would find the child we are destined to have. This option also appeals to us financially. We don't want to start our family with a $23,000 debt (the average cost of an adoption) that we would have to pay. I know there are tax credits and all but it would still be a financial burden that we could avoid through this option. As a teacher, I have had kids that are in foster care and knowing that we are helping, even in a small way, gives me comfort for those kids that I see going through painful times at school. I feel a strong pull to this option, despite the heartaches I know it could cause.

Tons of choices, tons of questions. We won't be able to decide until we sit down and talk with omeone but we have joined some online support groups to follow and find journal articles on. We put our faith in God and pray that he will show us the correct path.

Getting Started

As the realities of the past 3 1/2 years have set in, Justin and I have made the awesome decision to adopt. Like any big decision, I am dealing with thousands of questions and emotions that I wish could all be answered at once. After speaking with close friends and family about our decision I do feel more certain in our decision and thought you would like to be a part of this process so I am going to blog about it as we work through the dozens of steps and decisions that lay ahead of us. I have to admit this is also kind of like therapy for me because it gives me an outlet for my thoughts and a safe place to think through ideas. I am by no means an amazing writer but I hope you will enjoy reading about this journey and feel comfort in being part of it, no matter where you are :)

After three rounds of unsuccessful, and might I add very expensive, fertility treatments Justin and I knew we had to make some decisions about how we were going to start a family. The doctor spelled it out for us: IVF or adoption. Not a decision we had seen in our future when we decided to start a family in January of 2007. That decision seems so insignificant now, as if we had a choice in the matter. God decides when life begins, not us. The one thing that has held comfort to me over this whole ordeal is to keep telling myself that I do not know His plan, nor am I meant to know it. It sounds crazy now but growing up, I've always felt drawn to adoption, like it was something I would want to do after my own kids had grown. I think now that was God's way of keeping my heart open for it. I am so ready to begin the whole process and meet with someone who can give us statistics (I'm a numbers person) on how long and what the process will look and feel like. In my heart, I'm ready to get the process underway. In my mind, I know that we have to take this slow. Justin and I have to both be ready to sit down with an agency and ask those questions and face the difficulties of where from, which type, how long, and how much this process will be. We are both thinking we will officially start in July. I'll be done with grad school then and will be able to really devote myself just to this for 2 months before work begins again.

If I could wish one thing about this process, it would be people's reactions. I can't stand it when people say "Well, you know as soon as you adopt you'll get pregnant." No, we won't. Yes, miracles occur but I have been clinging to hope for over 3 years about that. I am happy with our decision and I know now that this is how we are going to have a family. Stop trying to make it sound like we are settling. We had a choice, ours through IVF or someone else's through adoption. We chose adoption. We are happy with this choice and we are excited about the family that we will have.

For now, we are trying to do as much research as possible. I am not writing this for pity or sympathy. I want our family and friends to understand and to be a part of this. I hope you will feel inclined to pray for us, that God will give us wisdom in our decisions and strength as follow through with them. I am so thankful to have such an amazing marriage with Justin and I know that it is our bond and our bond with God that will get us through these difficult and amazing times ahead.